


Scattered Pictures

by Egypt18015



Category: Backstreet Boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:28:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 28,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24056737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Egypt18015/pseuds/Egypt18015
Summary: A collection of one shots about the boys going back into the studio and working together for the first time as five! As told through some of the random pictures they will hopefully be posting along the way! :O)
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There are 12 stories for this one. It’s not really complete but I’ll be posting the chapters I do have throughout the day! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy! My favorite is chapter 4 lol

**Here We Go Again**

**Kevin**

**_“_** _Here we goagain on our own…going down the only road I’ve ever known…”_ I glance out of the corner of my eye to see my wife grinning at me as we drove to the airport. “ _Like a drifter I was born to walk alone…_ ” She was now shaking her head. “ _I made up my mind…I ain’t wasting no more time….”_ She hated this song so I used to sing it as often as possible just to get that reaction.

Mission accomplished.

“I’ll stop now.”

“Thanks for that.” She reached over and pat my leg just as we pulled in to the airport terminal.

“You sure you don’t want me to come in?”

I looked over at her and smiled, “AJ and Nick will be here to keep me company and you have to get back home to Mason.”

I was kind of glad we didn’t bring him to the airport. He wasn’t very happy with the idea of daddy going away for such a long time. He was used to me leaving from time to time but never for more than a week tops. They usually came with me. This was going to be quite an adjustment for him. The first time he would have to endure a Backstreet schedule. The first time I’d ever have to endure being away from him as well.

She reached over and pulled me into a hug and kissed me. “We’ll miss you.”

“Not as much as I’ll miss the two of you.” I said with absolute certainty.

I got out of the car, grabbed my bags and once more kissed my wife as she rolled down her window for one final goodbye. This was going to be tough. But, I was ready.

As she slowly pulled away, so many thoughts were running through my mind I hardly had a place to put them all. Ever since really toying with the idea of my return to the group, it was this moment that caused me the most anxiety. Not being on a plane with just AJ and Nick, although that in itself…

The being away from my family is what I was most afraid I wouldn’t be able to handle. It’s been such a long time since I’ve had to be anything more than husband and dad. I mean, I’ve done my fair share of work, but it’s never been anything close to the scale it used to be with the boys. Even doing these movies, or working on my solo stuff never took me that far from home and when it did, my family just came with me, no biggie. My internal thoughts still suffocated my brain as I went through the check in process.

“Like riding a bike, Kevin!” I said this out loud to myself just as I saw AJ sitting and taking pictures of himself with his phone.

When he saw me he gave me a wave to come and join him and I couldn’t help but smile. AJ was looking great these days. He had a very happy glow I don’t think I’ve ever seen before. He looked well rested, relaxed and content with his life and just those thoughts made me want to cry. I’m such a sap, I know. But considering how things have been with him over the years, one couldn’t help but be nothing but eternally grateful things had a happy ending for him. It could have really gone so many other ways.

He stood up and grabbed me in a huge hug, “Hey man! It’s so good to see you!”

“Same here.” I said, pulling away first and then taking a seat across from him. “Is Nick here yet?” I asked, looking around for the blond.

“Nope, but I got here extra early. You just missed Rochelle. She was hoping to get to see you before she left but she had to go meet up with her mom.”

“I’ll catch her next time then. How’s she feeling?”

AJ sat back on his chair, still cradling his phone in his hands as he crossed his legs and smiled, “Pregnant, but good. It looks great on her.”

I nodded in agreement.

I fidgeted a bit with my carry-on bag, just to give me something to do. It’s not that I felt uncomfortable with just AJ, but I think my nerves were settling in and once again those thoughts were going a mile a minute.

“So, you ready for this? It’s been awhile.”

I think he sensed my fears because when I looked up at him, he had an ‘ _everything is going to be okay’_ look on his face. The same kind of look I often gave to him when we weren’t sure how things were going to turn out.

“I think so. It’ll be hard being away from Kris and Mason though.”

“Yeah, I’m not happy about that part either but they’ll be along soon.”

Once again AJ was fiddling around with his camera, “Let’s take a picture for the fans!” He said as he crouched down in front of me and snapped a picture. “That’ll keep them happy for a little while. We can take another one when Carter gets here.”

Nick, I was a little anxious to be working with him again too, all of them really. Not that we left on bad terms or anything. I loved them all and kept in contact with them, but it wasn’t always sunshine and roses. When I decided to leave the group, they all took it differently, and Nick took it the hardest of all. But after I was gone, I think he was the most grateful for the change and if I didn’t say it stung, I would be lying.

When talk of me coming back started, I made sure to really take in their reactions and Nick had the most notable one. He smiled but he also shook his head. I didn’t really know what to make of it then and I still don’t, now. I wanted to ask at the time, but felt like I wasn’t ready for the answer. At that point, I was so uncertain of things myself that depending on what he said, I might have changed my mind altogether.

“I can’t wait to play you some of the things I came up with man; it’s like crazy, Bro!”

I came out of my thoughts and smiled at AJ once again. “Oh here comes Carter!” He said flagging Nick down the same way he did me.

I stood up and watched as Nick lazily made his way towards us, looking tired but good. They both looked really good. He walked over to AJ first and gave him a hug before coming towards me and smiling, pulling me in for one as well.

He had a really small bag with him and put it down next to mine, having a seat and letting out a yawn. “I am so going to sleep on the plane!” He said rubbing his eyes.

“Long day or something?” AJ asked in a half laugh.

“Since Lauren and I won’t see each other for a while, we decided to stay up all night. Now, I’m thinking that was a mistake.”

I laughed at him. He looked at me and smirked, “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing…”

I remembered over hearing these kinds of conversations with Nick and my cousin, talking about staying up all night long playing video games. The two of them did it all the time and it used to drive me nuts because they would be zombies the next day when we usually had things to do.

“I’m going to get some water, do you want anything? Either of you?”

“Coffee would be awesome AJ, thanks!”

He nodded at Nick, “cream no sugar, right?”

“You know me so well!”

“Kev?”

“I’m good, thanks.”

He nodded and left Nick and I. “cream and no sugar? When did that happen? It used to be cream and five sugars and hold the coffee!”

Nick laughed at me, “That was a long time ago.”

“I guess so.” I pat his shoulder and watched him fidget with his bag just like I had done before. “Are you excited about this?” I asked him.

“Yeah…” He stopped fidgeting and made eye contact with me, “I am really excited about this. What about you?”

“I am too.” I took a deep breath and thought I’d ask now while it was just the two of us, “Can I ask you something?”

“You just did!” He smiled his smart ass grin at me. I forgot about that and of course when I rolled my eyes at him he pumped the air with his fist.

“Yes, my first Kevin eye roll and we haven’t even left the building yet, I win!”

I shook my head but couldn’t help but smile. This kid….

“What was your question?”

“Are you okay with me coming back?”

He seemed a little surprised by the question.

“Why?”

“I don’t know, I just haven’t really been able to get a read off of you.”

“Wow, you must be losing your touch because according to you, you could always read me like a book.” He emphasized the according to you part.

“I just wanted to make sure.”

“And what if I said no? Would you not board the plane with us?” once again that grin which was more of his trade mark smirk.

“No, I’d still go and tell you that you’d have to get over it.”

“What’s the difference then?”

I didn’t like how he was evading the question. It made me think that he really didn’t want me back in the group. But then he smiled and put his arm around me, “Of course I want you back, Kevin. Because without you we’re… _Incomplete…”_ He sang the last word so loudly that the few people who were sitting by us all stopped and stared.

AJ came back just as everyone stopped staring. “Were you just singing?” He asked Nick amused as he handed him his coffee.

“I felt the sudden urge to break into song, yes. Blame, Kevin!”

I sat back in my chair as Nick slurped his coffee and AJ fiddled with his water. I had really watched these two grow up in front of my eyes. It’s funny to think back on really. All the weird conversations the three of us have had. Listening in horror when AJ tried to explain sex to Nick, knowing that neither had ever had any. That was comical!

Being the mediator after AJ accidentally broke one of Nick’s CD players. Same for when in retaliation Nick fed one of AJ’s favorite shoes to his dog. They were just kids and I was usually stuck being their babysitter. Watching them now though, you could tell things have changed as Nick moved over towards AJ and started talking about something that he and Lauren thought AJ and Rochelle would like to do. Their conversation was thoughtful and calm as they laughed about things. One word came to my mind and that was peace. These two were really at peace with themselves.

“You okay Kevin? You looked like you were zoning out for a second there, buddy.” Nick said playfully.

“Yeah, just…yeah.” I smiled.

“Okay then.” Nick shrugged and gave AJ one of the looks I used to give to him.

Just like they had changed, I wonder if they realized I had. Ever since I left the group, I have mellowed out dramatically. Things that used to drive me nuts, just suddenly didn’t seem as important anymore. If I had a meeting, I still made sure to be there on time but never got annoyed if the other person was late. If things didn’t go as planned, I tried not to dwell as much, laughing it off and saying, oh well before moving on. If things didn’t sound to my liking in the studio, I would do it over again but only once or twice. Nothing was ever going to be one hundred percent perfect and I was my own worst enemy. I came to the conclusion that I would never be completely happy with what I came up with so, I just moved on and dealt with it.

Maybe that was what my anxiety was really about. How much we had all changed and how it might affect us as a group.

“Kevin dude…” Once again I looked over at Nick who seemed even more amused this time. “Are you having some kind of senior moment we should be aware of?”

Senior moment? Really?

He laughed, “Just teasing you. Is everything alright though? You seem out of it.”

Both of them were staring at me with concerned looks on their faces. Once more I flashbacked to those same faces about ten years ago. One with sunglasses a little too big for his face, feigning like he cared about what I was saying while secretly hiding his bloodshot eyes from a night spent partying and the other rolling his eyes at me making sure I was aware of how insignificant he thought every word out of my mouth was. They were grown men now, and they both seemed legitimately concerned. That’s when I smiled at them and said with all sincerity, “I’m good.”

For the first time since making my decision, I was.

AJ then jumped out of his seat almost knocking Nick’s coffee on the floor. “Time for another picture!”

“Jesus Christ, AJ you and taking damn pictures!” Nick moved to the other side of the railing and leaned his head close to mine. “This is going to be an adventure, Kevin. I’m looking forward to sharing it with you!” I smiled at what he said just as AJ took the picture.

“I’m like Peter Pan and you can be Captain Hook!” He had to add.

“Hey! I want to be Captain Hook, why does Kevin get to be Captain Hook?”

“AJ, you can be Jon!”

“Jon? He’s a wuss! I don’t want to be Jon!”

“I would say you could be Wendy but we’ll save that for Howie!”

Okay, maybe they’re not totally grown up yet.


	2. Chapter 2

**Role Reversal**

**Howie**

It was weird being back as five. Don’t get me wrong, it was a good weird, but still weird all the same. Nothing was weirder than this house though. Leave it to AJ to find this place. It was a little spooky if I could be one hundred percent honest. The art on the walls made me grimace every time I walked by.

Of course I was given the room across from a huge piece of artwork that had a guy’s penis staring at me just as I walked out the door. I’m pretty sure that was strategic planning on Nick’s part since he laughed his ass off when he saw me walk into this bedroom with my bags.

Whatever, wait until he sees the ten foot sculpture of a big toe in his bedroom!

After getting in so late last night, we didn’t really get that much sleep. We ended up sitting around the huge dining room table and talking the night away. It felt good to do that. We all had so much to say and for once it wasn’t just dominated by one of us while the rest sat quietly listening and by rest I really mean me. That’s how it used to be, they would all talk, and when I felt a lull, I would offer my opinion only to be ignored as the louder guys managed to overtake the conversation. It was one of the things that bugged me. I usually would end up just sitting in a corner with my arms defensively folded in front of me. They used to ignore that too!

After Kevin left, the attitude kind of went with him, not that he was the one that initiated that kind of behavior because he wasn’t. Just that now I think the others looked to me to supply the kind of direction he used to. They were lost and I was the one that suddenly had to have us all find ourselves.

It was the first role reversal that happened after he left the group.

Now that he was back, I was a little curious to know how things would pan out. Would things go back to the way they were before? Much like the old songs and how we were forced to change them around, would that same thing be applied to our lives in general? Just go back to the same old, same old.

Last night, I took a minute while everyone was eating the food we brought back from a kebob place down the street, to just watch and observe.

Kevin sat at the end of the table with his greasy burger and fries. He listened as Brian talked about the album and occasionally spoke up, but for the most part he was quiet as he chomped silently away. Sitting right next to him was Brian who was eating some falafel and doing most of the talking last night. He had ideas, big ones and I think he really wanted to share them before they flew completely out of his mind. He occasionally looked around the table to all of us and would often stop to make sure he wasn’t leaving any of us out. I was sitting across from Brian with my gyro and fries, nodding and getting excited about a lot of what I was hearing. Next to me was AJ who was humming to himself like an autistic child for some reason. That’s a new thing I’ve noticed with AJ. He now hums as he eats. When I first brought it to his attention he laughed and said it was Rochelle’s fault. That ever since she became pregnant, when she really enjoyed something she would hum and bounce as she ate. Now he sat there doing just that with his burger and shake. Finally, sitting one seat away from AJ was Nick with his Tabouli salad and water. He had his headphones around his neck and was listening intently to everyone. There was no zoning out but pure concentration. Oddest still, he was taking notes as Brian spoke. Actually as we all spoke. When I asked him what he was doing, he said “I’m taking notes, what does it look like I’m doing?” As if this was a normal thing. Stupid me, I guess.

Anyway, we had a great conversation and it made us all really excited to get to the studio the next day.

I shifted in my bed when we finally decided it was best to try to get a few hours of sleep even though our schedules were way off. Heading off to the studio with no sleep would be dumb; we’ve been there and done that before. When we were freely spending other people’s money it was one thing, but this time we were footing the bill so there would be no such thing as wasted studio time.

While lying there and trying to ignore the incredibly creepy picture of a small child holding what looked like a dead rabbit, above my bed, I once again thought back to how our roles changed once Kevin left. Instead of all of us sitting back and letting him handle the tough questions and big decisions, suddenly we all stepped up to the plate. Nick seemed to handle the job as our new spokesperson. The dumb little kid who could barely get through an interview without coming off as ‘special’ was now incredibly well thought out and well spoken. When the hell did that happen?

Brian seemed to take over some of our business tasks. I know people think it’s me, but it’s really him. It used to be me, but he also has a knack for that end of things so he was in charge of keeping up with the record companies and management and making sure we were always on the same page. AJ and I were the music people. We always had new songs and ideas in our heads and were the ones who seemed to be able to verbalize those thoughts the best when it came to telling potential producers what we were looking for. I also tried my hand at PR and was pretty good at it. I’m the one that decided this whole New Kids thing was a good idea. It took a while for everyone else to climb aboard the Hangin’ Tough Train though.

Would all that change now? What role would Kevin play in all of this?

The next morning, well technically afternoon I guess, I had my answer.

Walking towards the dining room which I quickly realized would be our new hang out area, there was a very amusing argument going on between our oldest and youngest member of the group. Hearing the two of them fighting wasn’t unusual, it was the source of the argument that was a bit odd.

“Dude, and you need to pick those shoes up and put them in your room…”

“After breakfast.”

I came in and smiled at the two of them as I sat down. Kevin was once again at the head of the table. This time Nick was standing off to the side, arms folded in front of him.

“What’s going on in here?” I asked slightly amused.

“I almost killed myself this morning when I was going out for a jog. I tripped over Kevin’s shoes that he left in the middle of the hallway last night.”

I gave Kevin a glance as he shrugged and took a sip of coffee.

“Sorry about that, I took them off after I went out and bought this.” He said as he grabbed something that smelled great out of a paper bag. “I didn’t realize I took them off right in front of your door.”

“Well, try to be more aware of what’s going on next time.”

Kevin smiled, “Yes sir, anything else?”

“Well actually, shouldn’t you be eating a little healthier? I mean you did have a burger and fries at midnight last night.”

He was about to take a bite of what looked like a really greasy egg and cheese sandwich but stopped when Nick said that. I wonder where he got that. It smelled so good!

“You’re poor heart is probably crying right now.”

I actually laughed out loud when he said that which made Kevin give me one of his looks. I could tell he was trying not to smile as Nick continued to lecture him about eating healthy.

“I mean, you’re almost the big four – oh, Kevin! You need to start thinking about that and take better care of yourself.”

“Yes, you are right, Nick.” He put his sandwich down and put it back in the bag. I thought about stealing it from him for a second but didn’t much feel like getting a lecture from a boy who used to think a chocolate shake counted as a breakfast food as long as you threw some cereal in there.

This gesture took Nick by pleasant surprise as he grabbed the bag and smiled. “Alright then, we have some cheerios, you want some of those?”

“Sure thing.”

“I’ll have a bowl too, Nicky.”

Nick looked over at me and nodded. “Two bowls of cereal coming up!”

When Nick walked out of the room I smiled at Kevin who did the same in return. “Well, that was weird.” He said as he took another sip of coffee.

“He’s on a health kick.”

“Good for him, although my guess is he’s in there eating it right now.”

I nodded, “Sleep well last night?”

“Actually, yes I did. The bed was hard but comfy. What about yourself?”

“Not really. I think I was just too excited about today.”

“I can’t wait to get into that studio!” Kevin let out a sigh and smiled again. It was nice to see him as excited as he was.

“Morning all!” Brian said standing in the doorway with AJ in toe.

“Good morning!”

“I had dangling penises over my bed last night.”

“Dangling penises?” I asked amused as Brian sat down and poured himself a cup of coffee.

“Several dangling penises.”

“Okay…”

“It was a penis mobile, isn’t that what you’d call it, AJ?”

“If I had to give it a name, then yes.”

“Is Nick awake yet?”

“Speaking of penis mobiles…” Kevin said under his breath just as Nick walked back into the room with two bowls of cereal.

“Wow, you waitressing for us this morning, Carter?”

“No, just making sure we’re eating healthy.”

“I’ll take a bowl of that as well.” Brian stood up, “But I’ll get it myself.” He jumped up and darted into the kitchen.

“I feel like something more substantial!” AJ said as he rubbed his stomach.

“I do have an untouched egg and cheese sandwich in the kitchen which you are welcome to if healthy boy allows you to have it. I mean you’re not about to turn the big four – OH like me, so maybe you won’t have a heart attack and die.” Kevin used his quotey fingers on the four oh part.

AJ seemed confused but once again I laughed out loud. I have a feeling this month is going to be highly entertaining.

“Actually…I threw it out.” Nick said sitting down and shrugging, “Sorry J.”

Kevin closed one eye and squinted over at Nick as another small smile made its way to his face, “Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Then what’s that on the corner of your mouth? It looks a lot like cheese.”

He was about to say something, making up some kind of lie but instead he broke out in a small fit of giggles, “Okay fine, you got me! I ate your damn sandwich!”

Kevin stood up and pointed at Nick, “I KNEW IT!”

“I was hungry and the damn thing smelled so good.”

“Next time go buy your own!”

This little exchange would never have happened years ago. Things would have ended badly and the day would have been ruined. Funny how little things like that used to ruin entire days in our Backstreet life.

After eating our ‘light’ breakfast we were off to the studio. We piled into a van together all ready to make music. I sat beside Kevin who closed the door and whispered, “I purposely left my sneakers right in front of Nick’s bedroom door. Maybe I’ll go two for two tonight!” 

I nodded, amused at another role reversal.

A new set of thoughts flooded my mind as we drove to the studio. No longer was I afraid of what was going to happen, or how much things might change, instead I was looking forward to it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Like Riding a Bike**

**Brian**

I loved being in the studio. It was really the only other place, besides being with my family, where I felt at home. That’s why I built the perfect studio right inside my house. It was an extravagant expense but well worth the money. Spending time in there with my wife and son are some of the best memories I will ever have.

This studio was nice, nothing overly special but nice just the same. The only bummer about it was the fans. I know it probably sounds bad of me to say that. Don’t get me wrong, I love our fans to death, I really do. I am well aware of the fact that without them we’d be nowhere, but still, we were all kind of surprised to see them waiting for us outside.

“So much for secret locations.” Howie muttered under his breath as he posed for a picture with a few fans.

It really shouldn’t surprise me anymore how the fans always manage to know where we are at any given time of day. No matter what city, country or continent, I don’t believe we’ve ever been able to just skirt by without anyone noticing. This is something I should not take for granted because I’m sure one day it’ll go away and I’ll find myself longing for those good old days, but for now, not so much.

It always seemed to be the same familiar faces too. I always want to ask them if they have a job, or go to school. Following us around seemed so time consuming I’m not sure how anyone could have the energy to do it all the time. I don’t think I’ve ever been into an artist to put in as much effort as they do. It makes me sad that I’ve maybe missed out on something fun, although standing outside a building for hours in not always the best weather, hoping for just a few seconds of someone’s time didn’t seem like fun. To each their own I guess.

Just one of the things that happens when you’re famous and fame doesn’t always sit well with me.

I like being a homebody. This is not a secret to anyone who knows me. I’ll take staying home with the family over going out to a club or party any day. Being away from my family for an entire month was going to be rough but it’s all part of the job, just like dealing with fans outside of a studio and when the time came, touring for months on end.

This is my favorite part of the job right here.

The adrenaline rush of being in the studio together again hit me. I couldn’t wait to test the waters. It was nice seeing everyone as excited as I was. Over the years when it was just the four of us, there was anticipation but something was missing.

This felt different. It felt right.

We sat around the huge area, just bouncing ideas off of each other. It was only day one, which meant mostly just experimenting with harmonies, sound, and some of the songs we had written so far.

The other exciting thing was the amount of material we all came in with. In past years we all had our fair share of songs and ideas to work with but there was also a general lull where we knew we’d have to use other people’s songs to make a decent album. This time around, we each had about an album’s worth of songs to share ourselves. Wouldn’t it be great if we could make an album from start to finish with just our own stuff? Now that we didn’t have to worry about Jive anymore, it was a possibility.

I looked up from my stool to see Nick staring at me and smiling, “What?”

He shrugged, “I don’t know, just happy I guess.”

“Me too!”

I glanced down at the stack of lyrics handed to me by my band mates and began reading through them all. This was step one. Just reading the lyrics we all came up with and seeing if anything screamed out to us for immediate attention. Out of all of us, I had the best ability to pick out what I felt like would be a hit song from the pack. If I was reading lyrics and I suddenly heard the music underneath I knew it was a keeper. That’s how I would go about picking. We all were doing the same, compiling our lists of keepers. The only rule we had was that we weren’t allowed to pick our own stuff, yet anyway. That would come later.

We agreed a long time ago, that as long as at least three of us had the same lyrics in the keep pile, we would hold on to it and work with it. Another thing we did was not put our names on them. That was Nick’s idea way back in the day. He said, he thought it was fairer if we all started from a level playing field and at that time he was certain his things were being tossed aside because we were just seeing his name and assuming he was a kid and his stuff sucked. His words, not mine. They _did_ suck because he _was_ a kid, but that’s beside the point.

I found myself keeping more than tossing, which was another good sign. That never really happened much either.

I stopped and looked around at the rest of the guys to see how far along they had gotten. Most of them seemed to be doing what I was, reading then putting some stuff aside. Kevin, however was just looking out the window with a goofy grin on his face. I could tell he was so happy to be back. I often wondered after he left, if he really regretted his decision the second he had made it but was just too stubborn to ever admit it. Someday I’ll ask, but today is not that day.

By the time we got through all our piles of lyrics about an hour and a half had gone by and my butt was starting to get numb from sitting on the uncomfortable stools. I stood up, stretched and grabbed my keepers pile. I also enjoyed making a game in my head of who I actually thought wrote which songs, I was pretty good at it! If I was correct most of my favorites were by AJ and Howard this year.

“Let’s go to the break room and go over what we have.” I suggested as everyone stood and followed my lead.

It seemed like everyone’s pile was as big as mine.

“Must have coffee.” AJ said as he grabbed a mug and filled a cup.

We started step two by naming the songs we had in our piles. If at least three of us had that same song, we put it in the middle of the table. All others were put aside for a later date. Whenever one of my songs came up, I felt a little flutter in my stomach. Rejection is not my favorite thing. I don’t take it well. It’s not easy to have something you’ve worked on so hard just suddenly tossed aside, but I knew it would happen today and it would happen a lot since I had brought about sixteen songs in for consideration. I think this was the hardest part for all five of us and usually this was where the fighting would occur.

When all was said and done, out of my sixteen songs, seven made the cut, which was a little less than I was expecting, but still doable since my favorite ones were in the running. We had a collection of over thirty five lyrics saved between us, normally if we had half that we’d be lucky.

“Well, before we try some of these out, do you guys want to take a lunch break?”

I looked over at my cousin, “Let’s just keep going!” Nick said standing up, “I want to get this show on the road!!”

I laughed; I bet a lot of these songs were his.

Step three was the big reveal. When the person who wrote the lyrics would sing or play or explain what they intended the song to sound like. At this point we had a few of our musician friends join us to play the piano and guitar when needed.

We would start with songs we all liked, and then move on from there. Today I knew we’d only get a few done but for our first day back in the studio, that was pretty good.

I was especially thrilled to see one of mine as the first up so when Kevin asked, “And who wrote this one?” I jumped up and acted like I had won the lottery.

I handed Joe, our piano player, the simple chord progression for the song and started to sing the very simple melody I had mapped out for it. This one was a ballad and one of the best thing’s I have ever written. Of course I had my eyes closed as I sang the song for them. It was a habit but also something I needed to do to avoid eye contact, again that feeling of rejection always looming if I glanced upon a look of dissatisfaction on any of their faces.

When I opened my eyes, they all seemed pleased with what they heard and started bouncing around ideas about harmonies and how we can make the song even better. AJ chimed in with where he felt like the main focus should lie and we started to sing it together as if we knew this song like an old friend. It sounded great and it gave me chills.

Backstreet was back…. Alright!

We did it for at least four other songs and just as I expected out of the four young Nickolas belonged to two of them. One I was certain Howie had written. My bad, it’s getting harder and harder to tell these days.

We spent a total of about eight hours in the studio and it went by like a flash. We got so much done but the most important part about the whole process is there was not one single argument. Don’t get me wrong, we didn’t agree on every single thing, but instead of yelling at each other and storming out of the room, we talked it out. Imagine that?

Things were different in our world and this homeboy liked it.

“It was kind of like riding a bike, wasn’t it?” I overheard Howie say to my cousin as he pat his back.

Kevin nodded and then turned to smile at me.

It was nice having him back.


	4. Chapter 4

**A Day in the Life of AJ as told through Twitter, Instagram and one random Bomb!**

**AJ**

It’s been a long couple of days in the land of Backstreet, a land I was very happy to be revisiting. I miss my monkee and I miss my dogs, but it felt great to be back all together and doing this again. I have to admit up until this past week, I had my doubts that Kevin was going to really join us. I felt like maybe we were just being punked or something, but seeing him here and now just brought a smile to my face.

Life is good man…life is good!

I must take a minute and let my fans know how good my life is.

Tweets: life is good

*stops mid thought, takes his camera, aims above his head and takes a picture of himself*

“Hey AJ”

I glance over to Howie who comes and takes a seat beside me at our breakfast table. It’s day two of our adventure all together. Yesterday’s trip to the studio was awesome. We got so much done. The songs we heard were all stellar!

“What up D?”

“Nothing much, just wondering if you want to catch a movie with me later?”

“Sounds good, anything in mind?”

“How about the new Spiderman?”

“Works for me, want to do dinner beforehand?”

“Nah, Nick and I are doing sushi.”

“So, why can’t I come along?”

“We’re having one on one time.”

“Oh, okay whatever.”

“He’s not coming to the movies with us because _WE_ are having one on one time.”

“Got it.”

“I just figured.”

“Yeah, one on one time with all of us, got it D. Um…can I ask you a stupid question?”

“Stupider than usual?”

“Ha freaking haha.”

He winked at me, “Yeah, go ahead and ask, although I probably know what’s coming. You wouldn’t be the first one to ask this morning.”

“I would hope not.” I glanced down at his feet and continued, “Why are you wearing roller skates?”

“Good question AJ. Sometimes you just have to skate, you know?”

I shook my head at him, “Uh…no. I can safely say I never have the urge to roller skate but that gives me a great idea for a picture!” 

Tweets: Howie D is roller skating all around the Backstreet House! It’s a laugh riot!

After typing that out, I stood up and handed D my phone.

“Will you take a picture of me for the fans?”

He gave me an odd look but then nodded and snapped a picture.

“The fans will love this pic!”

He handed me my phone and then skated away.

Howie D skating around the house was only the first of very weird things to happen the morning before our second day of recording again. The second occurrence happened when I walked into the kitchen to grab something to eat.

“What the hell is going on in here?” I asked perplexed as Brian took his head out of the sink all foamy from soap.

“My shower wasn’t working this morning. I was in the middle of washing my hair when the water turned ice cold on me!”

“That sucks!”

“Yeah, tell me about it!”

“You could have just used my shower.”

“I didn’t think of that, I just came running in here and thought I’d just finish it off in the sink. I used to do this when I was a teenager and running late for school.”

“You used to stick your head in the sink?”

“Yeah.”

“You kind of look like Bozo’s grandpa like that!”

Then I had a great idea!

“Oh my God, just stay like that for a minute, okay?”

He rolled his eyes, “Okay.”

I pulled out my phone again.

Tweet: Rok’s shower wasn’t working this morning so he washed his hair in the sink. Looks like Bozo’s grandpa!

I then handed my phone to Brian, “Take my picture Rok!”

Brian gave me a weird look but then snapped the picture and handed my phone back to me.

“Thanks, the fans will love this!”

“Can I wash this out of my hair now?”

“Yeah, sorry.”

He shook his head at me and then placed it back under the sink.

I opened the fridge, trying to find something that would tide me over for a while. We planned on really working our asses off today to get some recording done. Maybe lay down our first real tracks for an album starting with Rok’s excellent song. The only thing I found in the fridge that looked semi appetizing was cold pizza, so I grabbed two slices out of the box and made my way into the dining room where Nick was already sitting there drinking something weird. The boy was almost always drinking or eating something very weird these days and he was always trying to get us to 'share' in his enlightened experiences. His saying, not mine. For what it's worth, I just think he's freaking nuts.

Today, weird came in the form of something foamy and purple looking.

“Did you see grandpa Bozo in the kitchen?”

He was also reading a newspaper, “Huh?”

“Brian’s head in the sink.”

He looked over at me, “What?”

“Brian’s head is in the sink in the kitchen.”

“And his body is where?”

He seemed perplexed, but I found that question oddly disturbing. As if it was perfectly acceptable for Brian’s head to be somewhere completely different than his body.

“Attached to his head, still.”

“That’s good to know.”

He sighed and then started reading his paper again as he took a sip of the Gak like substance in his cup.

“What is that?”

“A morning pop.”

“And that is?”

“Purple cauliflower, orange juice, and poppy seeds.”

I gagged a little bit before adding a sarcastic, “Yum,” At the end.

“Don’t knock it til you try it bro, it’s awesome!”

He started to slide it over my way, but if something could look even less appealing then unappealing this won hands down.

“No thanks, I’m good with my pizza.” I stopped its further advances in my direction and he shrugged.

I was just about to ask him about the whole roller skating Howie thing when D came barreling in on his skates, flailing his arms around like a crazy person and landing at the end of the table, careening over it, taking the purple glass along for the ride, and ending up on Nick’s lap as they both tumbled to the ground.

I stood up, “Holy Shit! Are you guys okay?”

I looked down, Nick’s feet in the air, Howie’s ass between them and purple goo everywhere. It looked like Barney exploded all over the room.

“We’re fine,” came the combined response.

Only then did I feel like it was okay to laugh. I once again pulled out my phone.

Tweet: Howie roller skated right into the table and Nick. Purple goo all over the place, hilarious!

Then I grabbed the phone, and snapped a picture of myself just as the two of them got up off the ground.

Nick had that stuff all over himself. I mean all over himself. It was on his hair, on his shirt and pants, even on his sneakers. Howie was spared, miraculously. Maybe Gak only hit enlightened ones? I was afraid fists were going to fly, I mean Nick doesn’t like it when people skate into him and knock purple goo all over the place, usually. But this time he just laughed as did Howie.

That got me going again.

I pulled my phone out.

Tweet: Phew! Seems like all is well but man it’s going to take forever to get the goo out of Nick’s hair!

Nick and Howie put their arms around each other and looked at me and posed. I took a picture of the wall right off to the side of them. It had a gross gob of goo slowly making its way down the wall.

“The fans are going to love this shit!”

They both looked at me like I was crazy, why do I keep getting those looks?

“What in the holy hell happened in here? It looks like Smurf Armageddon or something!”

“Smurfs are blue, Kev.” Nick said matter of factly as he grabbed some napkins and continued to wipe himself off.

“Okay, well…I guess I have my answer then?” The look on Kevin’s face was priceless.

“Howie skated into me and I spilled my pop all over the place.”

“Remind me never to get pop in this country ever again if it looks like that!”

He paused and sat down; taking Nick’s newspaper that was miraculously spared any of Barney’s innards and started flipping through it. “So, why are you wearing roller skates?”

I sat down too, ready to listen to this story. Howie didn't elaborate earlier and I was too eager to share the excitement with the fans to really ask. They are really going to love me for how much I’m sharing with them this morning! And we haven't even gotten to the studio yet.

He sat down and took the skates off, “Leigh and James bought them for me. She thought it was a good idea if I practice since when I get back to the states, we're taking James skating for the very first time.”

“Good thing because you suck, dude, Seriously.” Nick smirked and shook his head. I admit I was kind of impressed with how he dealt with the whole situation. “I guess I need to jump in the shower again.”

“Make it quick, we're already running a little late.” Kevin taped his watch as if to drive the point home.

Brian walked out of the kitchen with his head in a towel, “You might want to make sure your water is hot before totally committing. Why are pink?”

“I'm purple, Jesus, can't any of you tell your colors apart?”

He looked at me and shrugged. “Stupid me for asking I guess. I'm going to go get dressed.”

Brian and Nick walked out of the dining room just as Kevin pulled out something from the backpack he brought in. “Before I forget…” He said reaching in and handing it to me, “Kris told me to give this to you.”

He handed me the small gift bag which I opened immediately. Inside was a black and white blanket it looked like. “Aww, nice blanket, thanks man!”

He grabbed it away from me, “It’s not a blanket AJ, look.” He took it and started to unfold it and then placed it on his head. He grunted a little, it was a bit small for his huge ass head but he still persisted in placing it on there anyway. When he looked up at me, there was a cow staring back.

“You have a cow on your head.”

“It’s cute, right? Kristin’s mom made a bunch for Mason but he’s outgrown them.”

“But you haven't?”

I grabbed my phone again.

Tweet: Kevin has a cow on his head! I swear today has been the weirdest ass day ever!

*takes picture of the gift bag*

“What are you doing?”

“Taking a picture for the fans.”

“Of the gift bag?”

“Yeah.” He gave me a weird look as his cow ears jiggled. Then he and Howie exchanged that same look and shook their heads.

I have no idea?

After about thirty minutes we were all ready to make our way to the studio. We decided to walk to lunch first because we all need the exercise and as much as he wanted to, we wouldn't allow Howie to skate there. There would be no more skating at the Backstreet house.

“KEVIN!!” Except for Nick screaming bloody murder before we walked out the door.

“What?”

“Shoes DUDE SHOES!!!”

Kevin laughed, “Oh, my bad…sorry kiddo.”

Nick came into the foyer all purple again. “I tripped over your goddamn shoes and spilled my pop AGAIN!”

“Maybe it’s a sign you shouldn't be drinking that stuff, Nicky!”

This time it wasn't quite so bad. He only had it on his shirt, but he wasn't as happy about it as he was before. There was no Carter giggles. Since I knew we were going to be delayed, I thought I'd make a bomb video! The fans would love to hear this story.

I walked into the living room and grabbed my phone as the others were all arguing in the background.

Nick: I need to change

Kevin: Just leave it. We're only going to the studio no one is going to care.

AJ bomb: Hey guys, just getting ready to head to the studio. Lots of interesting things happening this morning as you can tell by my pictures!

*in the background out of camera shot*

Nick: But there are still fans there!

Kevin: So, go topless then!

Howie: They'd love that!

Nick: Fine! *Nick strips off shirt out of camera shot as all the boys whoop and holler “take it off!”*

AJ bomb: Guys, keep it down, I'm trying to record a bomb video here!

*Nick pulls his pants down and moons all the guys in the background out of camera shot as guys comment on his ass randomly*

AJ bomb: Anyway, sorry about the noise, Nick is naked and mooning people. We're having a great time in the studio and really can’t wait for this album to come out.

Nick: AJ!!

*AJ glances to his right to see Nick’s ass in his face.*

AJ bomb: Whoa buddy, put that thing away. Sorry, now Nick is mooning me! Okay well I need to go, hope you have enjoyed all the crazy pics and videos! I'll post more soon. It’s a good thing you guys have me huh?

I walked back into the foyer as Nick was pulling up his pants, he was still not wearing a shirt. Brian was standing there looking amused, Kevin and Howie were shaking their heads.

"Hey guys! Can I take one final picture for the fans before heading out?"

"You and that stupid camera!" Nick grunted, "Okay, make it fast."

Tweet: Backstreet's Back and ready to go!

I handed the camera to Nick, "Okay man take a picture of me whenever you're ready!"

I paused when they all just stood there looking at me like I was insane.

What?


	5. Chapter 5

**Sushi, Me and Howie D.**

**Nick**

The last few days have been a whirlwind for me. Here we were in London, recording as five people and living under one roof! I really can’t find the right words to describe my feelings about any of this. It’s odd how many feelings I _WAS_ having about this in the first place. When the idea of us coming here and recording, with no family, friends or outside distractions was brought up in casual conversation between the five of us one day, it almost seemed like an impossible realization. Especially for someone like AJ who was leaving behind a very pregnant wife. The thought had excited me from the beginning even though I really never thought it would happen. Just like Kevin coming back for real seemed like more of an idea than an actuality.

I was proven wrong on both counts. All the guys jumped at the chance to come over here, who would’ve thunk it?

“It’ll be just like the last time we did this, remember?” Howie had asked as we toasted to the idea about six months ago. 

I did remember the last time we all decided to hunker down and live together while recording. I was so young back then. We all were, but I was really young in every sense of the word. Back then, believe it or not, it was me who protested the loudest about the idea. Not that I didn’t want to spend time with the guys or anything but…okay I didn’t want to spend time with the guys or anything. At that point in my life, I just wanted to be with my ‘real’ friends. Be a ‘real’ kid and do ‘real’ things. Like I had any idea what ‘real’ anything was. In the end, we had churned out a lot of great songs, many more crappy ones and that was that.

“You’re thinking about something.”

I looked over to Howie as I grabbed another piece of sushi from the middle of the table.

“Always, D.”

“Everything okay?”

I nodded at him and placed the California roll into my mouth.

Howie and I decided to do sushi after we were done recording today. So far, things had been going great. We had a huge collection of songs to pick from and it seemed like one was better than the other. I felt so revitalized being in the studio. I couldn’t wait to get my hands on everything. It was going to be our first time recording just us and no record company standing over us like parents who were just waiting for you to screw up. Creative control was ours and I was determined to milk that for all it was worth, we all were.

“You sure everything’s okay? You’ve been really quiet.”

“Yeah, sorry man, just in a reflective mood.”

He nodded and signaled for the waiter to give him more Saki. “I’m glad you picked sushi, even though I was in the mood for Italian.”

“Eh, Sushi…lasagna…” I weighed them both with my hands and then grabbed another piece and popped it in my mouth.

“So, what are we reflecting on?”

I shrugged at him, “Just stuff…”

He smiled, “I love your knack for description.”

“I guess having Kev back and this being our 20th anniversary I’m feeling nostalgic.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean.”

I nodded at him as memories flooded back. We had gone out just the two of us more times than I can count on one hand, but most of the time, it was because he was elected the job. The job to take care of the youngest one, to calm him down or to try to talk sense into him or to keep him away from Kevin before the bushy browed one would kill him. It was poor D who always had to deal with my mood swings more than anyone else because he was the only one who had the patience to. I never made it easy for him either. I wasn’t dumb, that’s the thing. I knew exactly what I was doing and exactly what they were always thinking and exactly why Howie would out of the blue; suggest we go out for ice cream or Burger King, just the two of us. Back then I just felt like he was the enemy, spying on me, trying to get information out of me that the others couldn’t. I was living a videogame and Howie was my nemesis. I used to call him Dr. Evil behind his back.

The thought made me smile.

“Do you remember when I was a kid and you used to take me out to cool me off?”

He rolled his eyes at me, “You mean every other day of your life?”

I laughed, “Yeah…sorry about all that.”

“You owe me much more than a sorry.”

He was so right about that. If I allowed myself time to really reflect on how I used to be and how I used to treat all of them, I’d go crazy. I was really a horrible kid. Just terrible and always ready to put up a fight and get my way and tell everyone off all the time.

He really looked at me up close for a second and then moved his body closer towards me, “Are you really serious? You’re apologizing to me about when you were a kid?”

I nodded, “Yeah. I was awful.”

He laughed and thought about it for a few seconds. I could tell he was trying to come up with something witty and clever to say. When nothing came he took another sip of his Saki, “You were just a kid, Nicky. We all knew that.”

“I was a brat.”

“Which is part of being a kid, hell you should have seen me when I was young.”

I really wish I had known him as a kid. I feel like if we had grown up near each other and were really much closer in age, he would have been one of my best friends.

I guess that’s the thing I missed the most when it came to the guys. I never had a chance to just be their friend. Even Brian, who I used to always call my best friend, when it came down to it, he was really an older brother and someone who looked out for me when I needed that. Speaking of being reflective, I remember the very first time Brian called me Nick instead of Frack. Isn’t that an odd thing to keep in your head? It meant a lot to me that day, like the first time you find out there’s no Santa or Tooth Fairy. He always greeted me with a “Hey Frack!” followed by a noogie to the head. One day, he pulled me in an embrace and said, “Hey Nick.” And that was that. From that point on it just got awkward when fans referred to us as Frick and Frack. I never knew what to say. One day I’m going to ask him about that.

Anyway, that was my relationship to them all but when it came to just being a friend, it was never like that with me and any of them. Even AJ who was only a few years older than me, would play big brother more than friend.

I am going to try to change that this month and so far I think I’ve done a pretty good job. They’ve all noticed a change in me and that’s a good thing because I’ve worked my ass off to try to turn my life around. Obviously Howie, Brian and AJ picked up on those changes by now but I’m still trying to get a good idea of how Kevin feels. Sometimes when he thinks I’m not looking, I see him giving me those sideways glances. The same ones he used to always give me when I was a kid. Looking me up and down for any signs of something he might be able to lecture me about later.

“D, would you consider me your friend?”

He gave me his famous what the fuck look. Well, it’s famous to me but maybe because I’m so used to being on the other end of it.

“No Nicky, I hate you.”

“Don’t be dumb. I’m serious.”

“Where is this coming from? Have you been watching the Lifetime Network again?”

I rolled my eyes at him, “Way to avoid the question.”

“I’m not avoiding it, it’s just ridiculous.”

“Okay how about I rephrase?”

“Now you’re being all TV lawyer.”

“When you look at me, do you see me or a kid?”

“I see you.”

Okay, maybe that didn’t really work the way I wanted it to because even though I had my answer, I was still unsure.

“Okay maybe I’ll rephrase again.”

He laughed at me and glanced down to check his phone. After smiling at whatever he was reading and texting a reply, Howie turned his attention back to me.

“You were going to rephrase?”

“Right…Do you consider me your friend or your bratty little brother?”

He started rubbing his chin with his hand as if he had a long beard there to pet. I’m sure he thought he was being hilarious but I was for some reason in a very emo mood and just stared at him, patiently waiting for an answer.

“Why can’t you be both?”

“Both?”

“Yes, Nicky you’re one of my very best friends on the planet, but you’re also the kid brother I have never wanted. You’re both.”

I laughed at him, but when he figured out that answer wasn’t really what I was hoping for, he actually got serious.

“I know I can depend on you for anything. If I need you, you’ll be there. We can go out and party and have a great time but if I see you doing something stupid, I’ll call you out on it. If you put yourself in a situation that merits me stepping in, I will because I always have. You can’t expect me to always see you as this grown man you’ve become. I met you when you were half the size you are now.”

“You mean when I was your size?”

“That was the little brother that I never wanted reply.”

“I know!” I started nervously tapping the table with my chopsticks, “It’s just that I want you guys to see me as the person I am now.”

“Where is this coming from? Did something happen?”

“No, like said, I’ve just been reflecting.”

“Stop reflecting. We all see you, Nick and for the record, we’re really proud of what we see.”

I looked up at him, “Really?”

He shook his head slightly, I think I was amusing him.

“Yes, but we’re still going to treat you like a kid, because well…to us you’ll always be that kid.”

“But I’m also that adult with the great ideas and the huge amount of talent and that charismatic personality.”

He shook his head again, “Whatever you say.”

Once again he looked down at his phone. I could tell he was talking to his wife and she was probably texting him pictures of James doing random, cute things kids his age usually do, like vomit and crap on stuff.

Just like I remember the last time Brian called me Frack, I also remember the very first time Howie asked me to go out clubbing with just him. It didn’t happen immediately like everyone might think. Sure, we all went out after I turned twenty one, but again it was mostly an all or nothing type thing. After a concert we all made the decision to go out together and have a few drinks or a few dozen, depending on who you were, but when it came to just randomly hanging out together, I was never really included. Howie and Kevin would go out, Brian and his wife and AJ had his shady cast of characters and I had mine. One random day we had off in Chicago of all places and there was a knock on my door. I had just decided to hang out in my hotel room and play videogames so I was kind of surprised to see D standing there looking all spiffy and ready to go. He had asked me if I felt like going to a club, just the two of us and I jumped at the chance. We had a blast that night in fact I think it’s one of the few times I didn’t find myself getting shitfaced. I wanted to enjoy the moment when Howie finally wanted to hang out with Nick and not Nicky.

I looked up at Howie just then, I really loved this guy. I know I drive him nuts and it was so much fun torturing him, but he was all kinds of awesome.

“Why are you staring at me? Do I have something in my teeth?” He started rubbing his tongue against his teeth when I nodded at him. See? Too much fun!

“Did I get it?” I shook my head and pointed to something imaginary.

He put his finger in his mouth and started digging for the invisible bit of food and then rolled his eyes at me when he realized I was just teasing.

“Little brother that I never wanted again…”

“Sorry, I couldn’t resist.”

The weird thing is even now as I’m going on and on about wanting to be treated as an equal and a friend, if they ever just stopped treating me like their little brother I’d probably be bothered by it. I guess I just need to find a happy medium and be grateful for what I have.

“Are you ready to go?” He asked just as the check came to our table.

“Yeah, I guess. I think you should blow AJ off and you and I should go out clubbing, remember the first time you took me to a club, just you and I?”

“Yes, I remember it well. It was Chicago I think?”

Wow, I was impressed.

“Yes, good job D!”

“How could I forget? You made me pay for all your drinks and then you accidentally flushed my hotel key down the toilet.”

Oops! I guess I forgot about that. Selective memories, you gotta love them!

He shook his head and smiled at himself. I could tell he was thinking about how much he thought I was pretty awesome too. At least I’m going with that thought.

“What am I right now?” I asked him.

“Wow that was a very dangerous question.”

“I mean, am I your little brother or your friend?”

“Depends, are you paying?”

“I guess little brother you never wanted wins then!” I joked as I took the check and handed it to the waiter.

I figured I owed it to him.


	6. Chapter 6

**The Business Meeting**

**Group**

We sat there in the studio around the big table, our first of many business meetings. I admit this is the part of being in the group I enjoyed least of all. Every time we used to have one of these meeting with the guys from Jive, I felt like my head was going to explode by the time it was over. I would literally have to get up and leave sometimes. Not even bother to excuse myself and just walk out the door before I said something I would regret. The ‘guess how long it will take before Kevin gets angry and leaves the room game’ was very popular back in the day. Of course it was Nick that invented that one. I would stay just long enough for him to lose, just to piss him off. They had no idea that Howie had told me about this little game. We worked it out so that I would leave to benefit Howie’s chosen time. They would get so peeved that he was always winning. In the end the two of us would split the money and go to dinner.

I have always had a great sense of humor, just not so much when it came to the business side of things. Unfortunately when the fans saw me, especially right before I decided to leave, all they saw was me reacting to all the horrible business decisions being made on our behalf. I wasn’t stupid. I always saw what they were saying about me. I never smiled. I always seemed to have a sour puss look on my face. I was unhappy; I hated the other guys, blah blah blah. None of that was true. I just hated this business and I still do! Our fans have always been observant but they’ve also always been ready to jump to conclusions that weren’t there.

This would be our very first business meeting with just us! No one else, would pipe in. Management would be here, but they weren’t going to participate. This was one of my big requests before I decided to officially rejoin the group. I insisted we take over creative control completely. That we wouldn’t leave any of the big decisions that affected this group to anyone else but us. If we made the wrong choices and sank our ship so be it. I would rather go down because of something stupid we did, then something someone else did. Luckily we all had the same train of thought about that.

I think we were all also a little worried about that as well.

We avoided having this meeting before we left for London but once we got here, we knew it was inevitable. We needed to really all get on the same page and start figuring things out.

So here we were all ready to go. I wonder if there’s a new game I need to be aware of?

~*~*~*~*~*~

They all looked over at me as if I was in charge of this thing, weird, but okay. I’ll be the boss.

“So, should we get started then?”

All of them just kind of shrugged and nodded, “I guess, whenever you’re ready go ahead, Brian.”

When did I become the boss of them? Excellent! Leighanne would be so proud. She wouldn’t believe it! I almost want to call her right now and tell her about this, but we had a no phones policy in here, so that was out of the question. She warned me before I left that as much as I loved my cousin, not to let him take charge of every little thing like he used to. I promised her I wouldn’t allow him to do that, but once we were here, it was pretty clear he didn’t want to anyway.

Win/win.

“What do we want to talk about first?”

Howie grabbed his notes and started reading them. I knew I should have taken notes. Some boss I make. I wish I had a gavel. That would be cool if I had one of those things!

“How about promotion?”

“Sounds good to me!”

I looked around the table and saw nods of agreement and one sigh of ambivalence. Nick just loves these meetings, he always has. I couldn’t help but smile at some of the memories of him sitting through these things when he was a kid. Good lord, how did he do it? Oh that’s right, he didn’t. He used to be the biggest baby when we had to attend these meetings. It used to drive my cousin nuts! But I guess he really was a baby, and who should expect a teenager to sit through these things, although, he didn’t act much better when he got older. 

“I really like the idea of a press conference or something. Maybe an announcement on one of the morning shows.”

“Probably makes sense to do Good Morning America since we’re singing there.” I added to what Kevin had just said.

“I think that’s a better idea than a press conference. More like an announcement, Backstreet’s Back and all that jazz.” Howie always with the jazz hands.

“Do we want to milk Kevin for all he’s worth?”

“Am I a cow now, AJ?”

“Well, you were wearing a cow on your head the other day.”

“Thanks for reminding me.”

“I think it wouldn’t hurt to emphasis the fact that we are a five person group again.” Howie said bringing us back on track.

“Next comes the inevitable question, what made you all come back together.” I said in my best generic news guy voice.

“I hate when people assume we have been gone this whole time. It annoys the crap out of me.” AJ said under his breath.

“It actually might be a good thing in this case.”

“How so?”

“Well, think about it…what draws more attention? A group who has been around this entire time but not drawing the crowds like they used to, or a group that decided to come back together after time apart for their 20th anniversary?”

They all looked at me surprised I would even make this kind of suggestion but it made good business sense. Everyone loves a good old fashioned reunion. No one loved a good old fashioned has been. Not that we were losers or anything, but unless you were truly a real fan of us, until we did the combined tour with New Kids, everyone thought we had broken up anyway.

“I don’t know how I feel about that, lying to our fans.” Howie said quietly.

“How about this then, we don’t lie as much as just don’t correct what’s being said. I mean, they all tend to think we have been gone anyway, so let them.” I shrugged hoping to make my point.

“As far as the fans go, they already know the truth.”

I gave Howie a hopeful look.

~*~*~*~*~*~

I was letting what Brian said sink into my brain. He was right, actually. It made sense, but for some reason it just felt wrong. I’m not sure why people always just figured we were gone. I mean we always had tours and CDs and it’s not like we were hosting game shows or judging vocal competitions and thankfully none of us were dancing with any stars of any kind, but still, we were written off just as easily as any of the others. This industry was so fickle.

So, I sighed, “Maybe that is a good idea.”

“That’s going to drive the fans bat shit crazy, you know they’re all going to start angrily tweeting about it to everyone.” Nick, the first time he’s spoken since we started this meeting.

“That would only give us more attention.” Kevin said; taking Nick’s phone away from him as if he was twelve when he was caught texting instead of listening to what was going on.

“No phones, remember?”

He gave a one eyed wink and placed Nick’s phone just out of his reach.

“I was just tweeting the fans to let them know what we were doing!”

“Well, you can wait til we’re done.”

He rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“Whatever!”

“Guess little brother wins this round, Nicky.” I joked.

“Shut up D!”

No one knew what the hell I was talking about so I moved on, “Anyway…I like the announcement thing. That’ll get our names back into the media.”

“And we have that Mixtape thing, that’ll help too.” Brian said as he pointed to the table as if that was the festival he was referring to.

“What about this documentary thing?” Kevin asked without looking up.

“So many….things!” Nick muttered amusing himself. Kevin answered with a friendly whap to the back of his head.

“I think the documentary idea is pretty rad!”

“Did you just use rad, AJ?”

He looked up, “Uh yeah.”

“AJ 19 like 88 called and they want their catch phrase back.”

“Well Fuck called and he wants his you back, Carter!”

“That made no sense!”

“Anyway…” I said trying to get us back on track… “I like the idea of a camera crew following us around. When is the guy coming?”

“Tomorrow I think.” Nick answered right before Kevin had a chance.

“See? Notes….” He gave Kevin his own look and nodded really proud of himself and pointing to his notebook.

Kevin opened his mouth as if to say something and then just closed it and gave me that ‘I guess I have nothing to say’ look.

~*~*~*~*~*~

_I want this meeting to end now so I can get back to work lalala_ …

Yes, I’m singing in my head and yes I hate these things. Don’t you hate it when you are in the middle of something great and then you have to stop? I was working on the best idea for this album when Howie motioned for everyone to stop what they were doing and come into the meeting. I begged them to wait. I mean it was only the five of us. It’s not like we had to really keep a tight schedule but they insisted, so here we are.

I swear if I could just live in this studio I would. It’s all I wanted to do morning, noon and night. Get my hands all over the equipment, become one with the consoles and mics, and instruments. I couldn’t wait to sing and experiment with everything at our disposal. It all sounded terrific so far. I just wanted to keep going!

“Yeah, that’s true. Okay so how do we vote on this then?”

I looked around at everyone and saw their hands go up in the air so I just did the same. I figured we weren’t sacrificing our first borns or anything so I was safe.

“Okay that was easy enough…” Howie said before moving on.

I started moving my head from side to side because it was getting stiff. I wonder if this is what it felt like to slowly turn into a zombie. Sure it’s supposed to happen with a bite but how does the first zombie turn into a zombie? Maybe it starts with a stiff neck. It’s not like the FCC is going to tell us that for real, right? The last thing they want is for people to start worrying they’re turning into zombies the second their neck gets a little stiff. Is it the FCC? Maybe it’s another agency. FCC sounds right though. Although what the hell does FCC stand for? Foreign Frog Control? What the hell would that have to do with zombies? Hrmm…I feel like having a tuna melt.

“Nick?”

I looked up at AJ since he was the one that said my name.

“I think it’s a great idea man.”

“I knew Carter would like it!”

I nodded and smiled at him as both Brian and Howie rolled their eyes. Wonder what I just agreed to?

Where was I? Oh yeah, stiff neck. I think I slept on it okay, although I haven’t really been sleeping well at all. I don’t know what it is about the room, although it’s probably less about the room and more about the empty bed. I was so used to not sleeping alone that having an entire bed to myself was hard to adjust to. That reminds me; call Lauren when I get my phone back from stupid Kevin.

“Ouch, what the hell!”

“Sorry man.”

Yup, I totally just kicked Kevin. Mission accomplished.

I glanced at my watch, Ugh! Let’s GO!!!!

God I hate these things!

~*~*~*~*~*~

We were getting a lot accomplished during this meeting; promotion, touring ideas and locations and finally the CD itself. This is where I felt myself wanting to get more vocal. I loved the stuff we were coming up with and it was going to be really hard trimming down the list of things we had been working on. Usually when we record there are a few that at first sound like great ideas but then once we start to really work them out, it is quickly evident that they are not quite as grand as we thought. This time though, everything we were laying out was pretty stellar! We were going to be bringing in our first producer tomorrow so we really were hoping we’d have a more definitive set list for him to work with. So far it was way too big and we needed to get rid of a bunch of these songs. It was rough, but I think we all had the mind set of not giving in when it came to our favorites and I was ready to fight tooth and nail.

“So, about the songs…”

They all looked over to me so I continued, “How are we going to cut them?”

“I say we don’t cut them.”

I looked over at Howie, “Really, D? That’s a hell of a lot of songs.”

“I know, but they’re all good. It’s not like any of them are crappy.”

“I agree. I think we should keep them all for now.” Kevin said looking at his notes and then glancing in my direction.

“But how are we going to manage to work on them all?”

“No idea…”He said with a slight smile on his face, “But we’ll figure it out as we go along.”

This was so not the Kevin we were all used to. The old Kevin would have probably thrown ten fits by now about some of the things we were talking about in the meeting and would have never gone for the idea to leave all the songs in. He would have wanted us to pick a maximum of twelve and have them recorded almost to near perfection before a producer even had a chance to get their hands on it.

“Works for me.” And it did. “All in favor?”

I asked glancing around the table. All hands went up, except Carter who was clearly zoning out.

“Nick?”

“CDC!”

What the fuck? Is what I was thinking but “Huh?” is what came out.

His eyes grew big like we had all caught him masturbating or something and yes I have caught him, and yes more times then I’d like to admit.

“Um for zombies…it’s the center for disease control not…foreign…um….frogs….” As he said that incredibly weird line his voice got quieter and quieter so that by the time he said the word frogs, he was almost muttering to himself.

He’s weird, that one.

After that sent a ‘what the fuck did Nick just say’ kind of hush through the room, Brian shrugged and said “Okay then, how about we call this meeting adjourned? I don’t think there’s really anything more to say after that.”

“I agree Rok!”

We all got up from the table and went back into the studio to record.

Foreign, zombie frogs, Should I even ask?

Nah!


	7. Chapter 7

Casa De Backstreet Boys-ah

Kevin

I sat down at the dining room table with a cup of coffee that _I_ got to make for once. Brian was usually the one in charge of making the coffee and it’s only because he was the one who usually woke first to brew it. He’s really not the best coffee maker in the world. In fact I swear he doesn’t know what he’s doing at all. His coffee is so strong, that the first time I had a cup I almost spit it out. The funny thing is, even though we all agreed that he sucked at it, none of us said anything because none of us were willing to beat him to the kitchen! Not today though, today we would have normal coffee because I was up at 7 am just so I could spend some quality time by myself. 

Alone time was hard to come by at the Backstreet House or as Howie likes to call it, “Casa De Backstreet Boys-ah.” You have to accent the ‘ah’ at the end to really make it sound perfect.

I mean at least we each had our own rooms but believe it or not, they weren’t really set up to go hide in. They were kind of small. None of them had TV’s even. The one real plus was that most of them had their own bathrooms. It was like a moderate sized house with 3 master bedrooms and several smaller ones; Howie and Nick being the two who had to share a bathroom at the end of the hall.

I had forgotten what it was like to have to spend every waking moment with these guys. You had 5 grown men sharing one small space together 24/7. This is what it will be like though, when we really start up again. I mean maybe not sharing a house altogether, but just being in each other’s lives constantly. All up in each other’s business because there’s really nowhere else to be.

Towards the end of my time in the group, that was one of the hardest things for me to have to deal with. Lack of alone time, always with the same people and no privacy at all used to drive me crazy. We had the worst arguments over the dumbest things only because we were so sick of seeing each other’s faces.

I really hope that doesn’t happen again, although I’m sure it’s bound to. We’re only human. So far, after a week, there has been only a moderate urge to kill and just over little things like finding AJ’s nail polish all over the table, or the strong coffee, or the getting off track at the studio, etc... We surprisingly have all gotten along really well. No fights have happened, knock on wood.

We spent most of our waking time in the studio and then when we got home we found ourselves talking over a late dinner and then off to bed. Because of the time difference, the only opportunity I had to talk to my family was late at night. I had a Skype conversation with Kris and Mason for almost three hours last night. I can’t believe I’m up since I went to bed so late! It was worth every yawn and rub of the eyes that I will have to endure today.

God I really missed them. I mean we kept ourselves busy enough to not think about home a whole lot but there were times almost every day I would stop and think “Wow, Mason would really love seeing that,” or “I wish Kris was here for this!” 

I took a sip of my perfect coffee and contemplated whether I was hungry enough for breakfast yet. Looking around the room I shook my head when I saw the big hat we were all playing with at the studio the other day. We were really having a great time recording this album. We’d get a lot of work done but then one of us would find a way to break up the monotony by using props, like this stupid hat or the moustaches AJ and Brian bought at a random gift shop. What I found most funny is the fact that before any shenanigans ensued; they would all look over at me, waiting to see my reaction. Was I really that bad back then?

I was laughing to myself just as Brian walked into the room.

“You’re up early.”

I nodded at him, “Yup, alone time.”

He nodded in complete understanding. “I talked to Lee and Bay last night.”

“Nice. I was up really late talking to Kris and Mason too.”

“You made coffee?”

“Yup, there’s a whole pot! Help yourself!”

“Thanks, I’m making us all breakfast this morning.”

Oh, lord…let’s hope his cooking skills are better than his coffee making skills.

“Excellent.”

“Breakfast burritos!”

I nodded, “I think it still might be too early for the rest of the guys. You might want to hold off for a little while.”

He sat down beside me after grabbing his cup of coffee, “Good point. Howie and I are going to church this morning; you’re welcome to join us.”

“I think I’ll pass this time around, but thanks.”

“Sure.”

Surprisingly, Nick walked into the room, dressed in sweats and a hoodie. He kind of looked like he was either going to go out jogging or possibly to rob a bank. He seemed surprised to see us both sitting there this early in the morning.

“Morning.”

“Morning.” We both answered at the same time. He got a kick out of that.

“Why are you both up so early?”

“Alone time.”

“Church. What about you?”

I noticed how Brian didn’t extend his offer of going to church to Nick, too much of a heathen I guess.

“I’m going out jogging!”

Wow, I’m pretty good. At least he’s not robbing a bank.

“Alone? Do you think that’s wise?”

He was using one of the chairs to stretch his legs. “I think it’ll be safe.”

“That doesn’t sound too convincing, Nick.” I said, not really liking the idea all that much, but trying my best not to overdo it either. There were new rules and lines that we had to deal with and my over protective self, had to learn how to back down a bit. Nick was not a child anymore. He didn’t even act like one, well most of the time anyway. I had to avoid the nagging, as my wife so delicately put it last night during our conversation.

“You aren’t nagging them are you honey? Especially Nick. You aren’t being too naggish?”

After I made fun of her made up word, I assured her I was in fact, not being even close to naggish to any of them.

He switched legs and continued his stretch. “Well, I can’t be one hundred percent sure or anything but I’m going early enough that I think I’ll be safe.”

“I think you should bring Q.” Good, let Brian be the nag for once.

“Don’t you think it’s more dangerous to wake Q up then it would be to go out jogging alone? And besides I want to jog, not walk. Q would never be able to keep up with me.”

We both laughed at that because we knew it was true. God bless our incredibly out of shape bodyguard, although I swear he’s really AJ’s lover. Those two are always together. They are probably sleeping in the same bed even as we speak.

Brian let out a sigh and I laughed, because that’s pretty much what I wanted to do. I sipped my coffee instead, as my cousin shook his head, “Well, at least bring your cell phone with you. You never know kiddo, there are nuts in this world.”

“Yeah, I’m a Backstreet Boy AND a Carter, I think I know nuts.”

“True Dat homie.” I added in my ghetto fab voice, and yes I can have one of those too!

They both looked at me as if I were not me, then Nick continued, “Besides, do I go anywhere without my phone?”

He gave me a glance as a reminder that I took his phone away from him at our business meeting. “Just be safe and have a good jog!” I said, smiling at him and wondering if I should have offered to tag along. I can stand to exercise, but not today. Kevin is not being a naggish buttinsky.

“Don’t stop and eat somewhere, I’m making us breakfast!” Brian yelled after him as he ran out the door.

I cracked up.

“What? I don’t want him to ruin his appetite.”

“He’s going out for a jog, Brian.”

“Yes, NICK is going out for a jog. Nick…”

“Okay, good point.”

He took another sip of his coffee and then stood up and headed for the kitchen, “I’ll leave you to your alone time while I make us some grub!” He lovingly pat my shoulder and left me alone.

Today was our first day off since we started the recording process. This first week has really flown by and gone extra smoothly. It’s almost scary how easy everything has been. Our writing and singing was on a different level then the last time we all did this. I couldn’t believe how incredible Nick sounded for one. We all were kind of in awe of him as he laid down most of his tracks. Howie was sounding pretty amazing too. Brian was having some difficulties with his pitch but his songs almost outweighed his vocal problems and they _were_ problems and we were going to have to deal with them eventually, but for now, everything was smooth sailing.

It’s funny that on our first day off, we all decided to make plans to spend it together. That’s another thing that would have been completely different ten years ago. When we had a day off, the last way we’d want to spend it was with each other. Maybe it’s because our families weren’t here? But even when that was the case, we’d all say see you tomorrow! And that would be that. We couldn’t wait to be apart from each other and now it seems like we can’t wait to see each other.

I would have totally scored an ‘aww…’ from the fans if they heard me say that.

“Morning Kev!” I glanced over at Howie and nodded.

“I made the coffee this morning.” 

“Yes!” He ran over and grabbed a cup.

He sat down and pointed to the kitchen when he heard the racket coming from behind the door, “What’s going on in there?”

“Brian is making us breakfast.”

He slowly nodded, “Okay….AJ and Nick?”

“AJ is still sleeping I would imagine and Nick is out jogging.”

“With Q?”

I laughed and that was his answer.

“Well if some psycho fan kidnaps him, I call his singing parts!!”

I had just taken a sip of coffee when he said that and I ended up spitting it right out on the table. 

“This coffee is good, Kevin!” He said as he passed me a few paper towels to clean up my mess. 

Howie is a really funny guy. He has the best sarcastic and dry sense of humor and is known to say the funniest stuff right under his breath so that only those meant to hear it do. He is infamous for getting us all going during interviews. He would say something to mock the person interviewing us that they couldn’t hear but we could and that would of course start Nick giggling and in turn throw us all off! In the end, whenever you look back at those appearances, it looks as though its good old Howie just sitting there patiently waiting for the immaturity to end so we could continue on with what we were doing. Little did people know he was the grand instigator of it all.

I always had that look on my face too because unlike Howie, after having a good two or three second laugh, I was ready to roll. The other three it took too long to get them back on track. Good lord that used to drive me crazy!

“That actually smells pretty good.” I looked up and agreed with Howie.

The smell of bacon and onions frying was starting to waft through the house, making my mouth salivate. I looked at my watch, hoping it was time for breakfast soon. On cue, Brian walked out of the kitchen and sat down, grabbing another cup of coffee. See? Excellent coffee made by me. Looks like I’ll have to make another pot before we eat.

“Breakfast’s almost ready.” 

“Smells great, Brian.” I nodded at my cousin.

“What smells fucking fantastic in here?” And… good morning, AJ, of course Q was trailing directly behind. See?

“I’m making us breakfast burritos. They’re in the oven.”

“Awesome, I’m starving!”

“This is Bay’s all-time favorite breakfast; I’m making it in his honor. I promised him I would last night.”

“Sweet!” He said grabbing a cup and grunting when he realized there wasn’t enough coffee left to make a whole cup. Funny, that never happens when Brian makes the coffee!

I jumped out of my seat and got to work on a second pot before Brian had a chance to. In the background, Howie and AJ were talking about the party they went to for Perez Hilton. I’m glad I didn’t have to go to that. He’s a douche. This was going to be another problem I was going to have to overcome now that I was back in the spotlight, keeping some of my opinions to myself. There were a lot of people I did not like in this industry. When I was not really participating, it was very easy for me to openly say so. As a Backstreet Boy that needs us to get back into the public eye, that could no longer happen. The hardest part by far would be working with The New Kids.

I shuddered at the thought. It sent chills of horribly bad singing up my spine.

When I showed up randomly at their concert, I had to act like it was the best thing since sliced bread. I had to act like they weren’t some of the biggest tools I have ever met in my life. Don’t get me wrong, some of them were nice but the overall vibe I got from them was not a good one. I’m glad the tour worked out for all of them together but looking down the road, I’m going to have to be heavily medicated if we choose to do to it again, which we probably will, makes the most business sense.

Heavily medicated!

The front door opened just as Brian brought out his plate of burritos. Nick came in all sweaty. I let out a little sigh of relief. See? He made it back in one piece, no nagging necessary. This time, at least.

“AH well…maybe next time.” Howie said under his breath so only I could hear him.

I chuckled.

As we sat around the table, I smiled at the scene. We were a family, but then again we always have been.


	8. Chapter 8

**Thoughts from the English Countryside**

**Howie**

Before we flew out here to London, we heard that the weather was going to be horrible. Even though it was summer, it felt more like fall because of the constant rain they had for weeks prior to our arrival. I made sure I packed for the occasion. I had mostly long sleeve shirts, jeans and even a jacket. Of course once we got here, summer magically appeared. I ended up having to go to a store and buy a bunch of tee shirts and a few pairs of shorts. It never fails! I should really just start doing that from now on. No more packing, instead just buy what I need when I get where I’m going. 

So, as I was sitting outside in one of my brand new white tee shirts with a flannel thrown over it, I was content. We couldn’t have asked for a better night after such a lovely dinner. I am completely stuffed! I ate entirely too much food. Everything they put out was amazing!

After overindulging I excused myself and went for a walk along the grounds. The place we were invited to was huge and extremely beautiful. It defined what everyone probably pictures in their minds when they think of what the English countryside looks like. I could see myself coming here to live one day. Maybe open up a hotel or a bed and breakfast up the road. I bet I would make really good money if I opened up one of those. I’d have to pass the idea along to Johnny. 

Today was a great day overall, it’s the first time since we’ve been here it actually felt like a vacation day. We decided as a group not to talk about anything having to do with the album while we were here enjoying ourselves. So far, we had all kept to that promise. Over dinner we talked about our families and politics and of course the Olympics which we quickly figured out were the hottest topic of conversation around. These Brits were really proud of hosting the games.

Honestly, I’m not a huge fan of the Olympics. I enjoy the hoopla that is the opening ceremony but aside from knowing who some of the key athletes were, like your Michael Phelps and your other swimmers who aren’t Michael Phelps, I really could care less. But still…go Team USA!

After dinner we all kind of dispersed and went our own separate ways. Some people staying behind to talk more extensively about the state of American politics, yes Kevin was in on that one. Others just to roam aimlessly around, that was pretty much what I was doing. AJ and Brian went off together to see the golf course the grounds had to offer. Yes, this place even had its own golf course. And Nick was sitting on a chair in the middle of an open field surrounded by trees. I know this because I saw him as I was coming back from my little trek.

He looked deep in thought as he had his camera slung around his neck like a mini Kevin. God he would hate it if he knew I referred to him as a mini Kevin. It was the truth though; he really had turned into Kevin. Seeing them back together, you could really catch the similarities. I remember the days when Kev would constantly be filming every little thing we said or did like it was yesterday…probably because it _was_ yesterday. The only difference between Kevin then and Kevin now is instead of using a video camera; he’s using a regular camera.

When he saw me coming he smiled but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. I had a feeling he was hoping I’d just wave and walk past him and I probably would have granted that wish but my pot roast baby growing in my stomach had other ideas so I plopped down beside him and let out a proper English belch. At least that’s the only part of me that exploded, I consider that a blessing!

“Excuse me!” I said quietly.

“I just farted a second ago.” And there was a typical Nick greeting.

“Glad I missed that.” And I was… hope the wind is blowing the other way.

I noticed he had something in his hand. It looked like a necklace but it was hard to tell. Maybe he had bought it for Lauren. Upon closer inspection, I realized exactly what it was and my heart sunk a little bit. When he saw me notice, he placed it back into his pocket.

“It’s been six months already.”

I nodded at him, but wasn’t exactly sure what to say. When news came that Leslie died, it took me by surprise. I was really upset about it, which is weird because out of the entire Carter clan, I think I knew her the least. I actually cried when Leigh told me about it. We were on a break at that time so I called Nick that night. He never called me back. I tried calling him about ten times throughout the course of a week and after not hearing from him, finally decided to give up and wait until I saw him in person.

When we all got back together, I walked over to him and gave him a huge hug, telling him how sorry I was and to let me know if there was anything I could do. He acted like he had no idea what I was talking about, almost hoping I didn’t know or something. He gave me a ‘thanks man, but I’m okay!’ and that was it.

We all deal with grief in our own ways. When my sister died, I was a wreck. There were days I could barely get myself out of bed. I felt so guilty for not being able to see her before she died. I still do, after all this time. When my father died, I was actually a lot better. It probably was because we knew it was coming. We had plenty of time to prepare ourselves for the day it happened, but even then I was devastated. I can only imagine what it’s like to lose a younger sister as suddenly as Nick lost his. Plus, it’s not like his family was the most supportive. After it happened that’s the main thought that ran through my mind. I hoped he was leaning on someone, thanking God that he had Lauren after finding out he had also blown off AJ and Brian as well.

Whenever any of us tried to talk about it, bring her up or see how he was feeling, he’d walk away saying simply, “It is what it is.”

The other night, when we were supposed to go to Perez Hilton’s party I caught Nick staring at the same necklace he was just looking at now. We were going to go for pizza all five of us and then Brian and Kevin were going to go have some quality time together while AJ, Nick and I were supposed to go to the party. When he saw me, he quickly wiped some tears from his eyes and tried to walk away.

“Nicky, what’s wrong?” I had asked, but he only shook his head.

“I think I just want to stay here and work tonight, if that’s okay with you.”

“Nicky?” I was concerned, thinking that something had happened at home but as I got closer I got a good look at that necklace and it was an opened locket and inside was Leslie’s picture. I placed my hand on his shoulder but he brushed it away.

“I really would love to crack down on some of my ideas.” He closed the locket and put it in his pocket, acting like what just happened was a figment of my imagination.

“Uh…sure, it is no problem buddy…you know you can talk to me if…”

“Thanks D, I’m good.” He smiled at me and then walked away.

We all dealt with grief differently and Nick’s way was simply to not deal with it at all.

So, watching him struggling with his emotions now had me at a loss for words.

“I can’t believe it’s already been that long. Does it ever get any easier?” He didn’t look at me and instead chose to look at his feet. This is the most he’s ever spoken about her death since it’s happened, at least to me.

“Eventually, but it takes a long time.” I placed my hand on his shoulder and this time he didn’t push me away.

“It just…I don’t know man…it hits me at the weirdest times. I’ll be just watching TV or listening to a song or like now, just looking at the view and suddenly it’s like I’m finding out for the first time all over again. Is that normal?”

“There’s no such thing as normal when it comes to this stuff. I wish there was a rule book or something, it would make life easier.”

He let out the smallest laugh and nodded, “It just sucks, ya know? The whole thing just sucks.”

“I know.”

“I was going to bury that locket somewhere on the grounds because Leslie loved it here in England. She’s been a few times and told me it was one of her favorite places. She said when she was old she’d end up retiring here.”

He took a deep breath and pulled out the locket. “She gave me this thing the very first time I left to go on tour with you guys. She must have been about 7 or 8 maybe?” He opened the locket to the picture I had seen the other day, a very young, smiley Leslie who was missing a few teeth.

“After she gave it to me, I lost it. I don’t mean lost it like crying my eyes out because I’d miss her or anything, I mean I lost it as in really lost it. It dropped somewhere and I thought I’d never find it again.”

He laughed and so did I because it was very Nick to lose something so quickly.

“I had forgotten it even existed up until I started packing for this trip. Turns out it was in the bag I brought with me. Isn’t that crazy? I haven’t used this bag in such a long time. Lauren was making fun of me when she saw I chose that bag over some of our newer ones. I just knew I didn’t want to bring something big and that one had an old vintage quality to it. It’s almost like Leslie wanted me to bring it, you know?”

“Maybe she did.” I shrugged at him.

“We didn’t have a very good relationship towards the end, hell we never had a really good relationship…I wish we did.”

I placed my hand on his back and gently rubbed as he continued, “I wasn’t a very good brother to her.” He said as his voice started to crack.

I suddenly felt myself get emotional as well. Grief was contagious, especially around those you most love. “You were a great brother to her. You’re a great brother to all of them.”

He nodded and quickly composed himself taking a few deep breaths and once again wiping away a stray tear or two. “Well…life goes on I guess.”

“It does.”

“Anyway, I was going to bury it over there…” He pointed to the trees a little of in the distance, “But I couldn’t do it. I decided I wasn’t ready yet. I would rather have her closer to me.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that, Nicky. I bet she’d rather you keep her close as well.”

He finally looked over at me and smiled, “Thanks, Howie.”

I pulled him close into a hug, “I didn’t do anything, but you’re welcome!”

“Am I breaking up a moment? It seems like the two of you are having a moment.” Kevin had one eyebrow raised with his camera slung around his neck. 

Nick stood up, “Yeah, thanks a lot for ruining it Kev…Jeez!” He playfully rolled his eyes.

“Did you do it?” He asked Nick very seriously.

Nick shook his head, “I couldn’t. Too soon I guess.”

That’s when I realized Kevin knew about the Leslie thing all along. Maybe Kevin was the one he had leaned on when it all went down. Part of me felt a little slighted, but then most of me never really expected anything less.

Kevin placed his hand on Nick’s shoulder, “It’s okay, but are you okay?” He moved his other hand onto Nick’s other shoulder as if they were going to huddle staring intently into his eyes, trying to get a read on our baby brother’s emotions.

“I will be, someday…right D?” He glanced over at me, squinting because of the bright sun in the sky.

I thought about myself, my sister and my father. How long it actually took to get over things, how hard it is to STILL think about it.

“Yes, Nicky.”

Kevin looked over at me and winked as he allowed his arms drop back to his side, “And we’re here for you every step of the way, okay little man?”

Nick nodded at Kevin and rolled his eyes. He loved to hate that nickname but it would forever stick, even when he was 60 he’d be ‘little man’ and of course ‘Nicky’

I stood up with a groan and a rub of my stomach, making both of the guys laugh. “Are you okay Howie?” Nick asked in a teasing way as Kevin took the chair I just vacated.

I stood next to Nick and glanced over at the beautiful hills and valleys surrounding us.

“How could I not be?”

“Yeah…” He agreed and then he farted.

Nice.


	9. Chapter 9

**Let Them Eat Cake, Baby Cakes!**

**AJ**

I really am beginning to love this studio. At first, I admit I wasn’t that big a fan. It was very old feeling. Not that I don’t like me some vintage stuff, but it just had this vibe about it, as if the walls were going to crumble down all around us if we turned the dial up to eleven. Of course this is what Kevin found so endearing about it. He loved all the old equipment, especially all the really old keyboards. It was kind of like walking into a museum. Now that we’ve been here for a week and have really explored every inch of the place, I found myself feeling more and more comfortable being here. I guess the 800 plus hour days helped as well. 

The big fluffy purple couch didn’t hurt either. I decided to claim it as my own before anyone else had the chance. Today was going to be another long day, but it was also going to be a very boring one, for me anyway. That’s how it’s been going recording this album. Some days I was so busy I barely had time to pee, while others, like today, I knew I was just going to spend sitting around and waiting. It really came down to what songs we were working on any given day.

Today was going to be a very heavy Nick vocals day. He had to lay down his leads on about five tracks. That was me yesterday. Speak of the devil; he just walked into the studio carrying a pretty big box.

“What’s that?”

“I don’t know, some fan handed it to me and told me to enjoy it!”

He placed it on the table and actually walked away, not the least bit curious as to what it was. I don’t care who gives me stuff, I always have to open it up right away. Some of us have been desensitized to stuff like that and it kind of made me sad. Imagine how much crap we are given by our fans to be able to leave such a ginormous box unopened without a second thought. A really good, smelling…bakey, deliciousy.. The aroma wafting was a pretty nice one.

I had to open it. There was food in this box! So I decided to sacrifice my purple couch to see what was inside.

“Carter, can I open your box?”

“Wow that sounded sexual!” Brian said coming up behind me and making me jump. “You want to open his box, huh? Care to have a peek inside?” He raised his eyebrows and licked his lips. Everyone thinks _I’m_ the pervert, they have no freaking clue. I think Brian needs to have sex.

“Yeah, go ahead man; let me know what it is.” Nick said as he placed his headphones on and made his way towards the sound booth.

I carefully broke the seal to the box only to see the biggest cake on the planet staring back at me!

“Wow, that’s a big cake.” Brian said.

“It’s a cake, Carter!”

I swear the second I said that, he came running back into the room, with the headphones on his head! 

“Wow! That’s pretty awesome!” He went to put his finger in the frosting, but I slapped it away.

“After you sing!”

Brian laughed about that, “Yeah, you have to sing for your supper! We’ll keep your cake company.”

“Don’t eat the whole thing!” He shook his finger at the two of us, like we would eat an entire cake. I admit it made me want to put my face in it just a little.

When he went into the booth, I took another glance down, deciding I needed a piece right that instant, even though I wasn’t the slightest bit hungry. I wasn’t singing today, so I could easily indulge. In fact, I felt an obligation to.

“I am going to get some plates, you want some cake?” I asked Brian as he watched Nick get ready to sing one of his parts.

“Yeah, that would be great!”

Because this was an old, converted house there was a kitchen that was still used as a kitchen. There was a big fridge, a sink and even a small little stove. I went digging for forks and a knife as well as a few plates. Laughing at all the coffee mugs I came across. You would think this was a teacher’s lounge or something.

By the time I got back out there, everyone was swarming around the cake. I mean swarming like a pack of bees!

“Where did this come from?” Kevin asked as he took the knife and cut into the cake at a really weird angle. Wow, he really sucks at cake cutting.

“It was a gift for Nick.”

He placed a big old hunk of it on his plate, “Cool!”

He then handed me the knife and walked back over to the console. I tried to save the massacre as best I could but it was no use. The thing was destroyed. Luckily he took a picture of it first. No idea why, I mean it’s not like the fans want to see a picture of a cake or anything.

Kevin… poor guy, he has no clue what the fans want to see.

I bit into it and it was really delicious! Moist and gooey and just overall great! Our fans rock my world! I hesitated just a second before taking another bite. Memories of bodyguards warning us never to eat things the fans gave us just in case, came rushing back at me suddenly. It’s funny that those thoughts never once crossed any of our minds. I briefly looked over to see if Kevin had keeled over dead. When I saw he was still standing, I figured we were safe.

“I’m going to take a piece over to D.” Brian grabbed a plate and plopped some cake on it. Howie was sitting at the console intently listening to Nick sing. He was committed to this song since he wrote most of it with both Brian and I lending a hand with the bridge and the pre chorus.

When Nick saw Howie eating he stopped singing, “Man! Cool it with the cake!” He then placed his hand right over his eyes so he could see us over the glare the glass was giving off. “Oh my God, are you all eating right now?”

“Hey, the quicker you get done singing the faster you get some of your cake!” Kevin said holding out his plate and then taking a bite. “And it’s good!”

“Shit!”

“Just do that last part again Nicky and then you can take a cake break.” Howie of course said that as he took a bite of the cake. We really are ball busters, Ha!

“It’s MY cake! I don’t recall anyone asking me if it was okay for you all to eat it in the first place!”

“It’s not like your name is on it!” I said shaking my head.

“Actually his name was on it, but I ate that part!” Brian said with a huge ass grin on his face.

“You all suck! Even you D, Why you do me so wrong?” He sing-songed in his favorite whiny voice.

“Tough love, now sing!” Kevin scolded as he toasted Nick with taking another bite of the cake.

I grabbed another piece and once again claimed the purple couch as my thrown of the day. Whoever thought about buying this was a genius. It was much too comfortable to do anything useful. Maybe it was their tactic. You know the longer we sit and lounge around the less we get done and the less we get done the longer we have to stay and the longer we have to stay the more we have to pay… Eh, but it’s comfy.

Brian grabbed a swivel chair and rolled next to me as we watched Nick in the booth. It was kind of like staring at either a really boring movie or a fish tank. It was more amusing to think of Nick in a fish tank or that Houdini water trick tank. We could fill that thing with water and have a lot of fun!

“He sounds great.”

I nodded at Brian, “I bet if we filled that thing with water it wouldn’t leak.”

“What?”

“The booth.”

“Of course it wouldn’t leak, that’s why it probably costs hundreds of thousands of dollars.”

“Just in case someone was to accidentally fill it with water?”

He put another bite of cake in his mouth and made sure to answer with it full, “Precisthly.” He stuck out his tongue filled with chocolate goo before swallowing. “I think I need a tall glass of milk. You want some?”

“Sure!” He handed me his plate, “I’ll be back.”

“I have to do it again? I thought that was a great take!” Nick, complaining again.

“Do it one more time, Nicky.”

“You’re just stalling because you don’t want me to have my cake.”

“Yes, that’s exactly the reason, it’s a cake conspiracy. It has nothing to do with a few missed notes or anything.”

“Hey!”

“Just one more time.”

“Ugh, Fine!”

The song started up and he went at it again. I really do think it was a cake conspiracy because the first take sounded great. Howie walked over and grabbed another piece while Nick was mid emoting.

“I couldn’t resist.” He said winking at me before walking back over to the console.

Brian walked over and handed me a coffee mug full of milk. It was the British flag with a huge Pip Pip Cheerio written alone the rim. “Wow, talk about stereotypical.”

“I know, when I saw it, I couldn’t resist. Look at mine!” His had a picture of the queen on it.

“I want to steal these.”

“I won’t tell if you won’t tell.”

“So, how’s Rochelle feeling?”

I nodded just thinking about her. Two more weeks and then I’d be home! I was wondering how she was dealing with her midnight cravings without me. She was having the most obscure cravings for things. Like ice cream and tomatoes. Yuck! She’d wake me up at around 2 almost every night to go get her something, usually that gross concoction, but sometimes it was a run to McDonald’s for fries and a chocolate shake.

“She’s good. Just a little achy, she said her ankles are swelling.”

“That happened to Leighanne too. For a while there I thought her ankles disappeared. She had those cankle things going on. Don’t you dare tell her I told you that!”

“Yeah, I don’t think I’d ever be mentioning her cankles.”

“I gained a lot of weight when she was pregnant. Sympathy weight, I called it.”

“I remember.”

He motioned to me and my almost gone second piece of cake, “Be careful buddy! It’s hard to dance with a fake baby in your tummy!” He reached over and squeezed my stomach. He was actually able to squeeze my stomach. That’s not good. It almost made me not get up and get another piece of cake…almost.

Of course he laughed when he saw me go for my third. “I’m eating for two.” I half laughed motioning over towards Nick in the booth. When I glanced down I noticed there wasn’t really all that much cake left. We finished this thing off pretty fast. I made sure to cut only a tiny piece just as Nick finally made his way to the table. He looked down at the cake and his expression was priceless. I took out my camera and made sure I took a picture of myself looking at him and his disappointment. Poor Nick.

“Jesus, you guys are fucking pigs!” He whined.

“Nick…there’s plenty left.”

He sighed and grabbed a plate and the knife. “Damn.”

“What?”

“Now I don’t know if I should be eating it at all.”

“Why?”

He then looked at me with such a serious expression I thought he was about to tell me he was going to die or something. Instead he says, “Because cake is my crack.”

I don’t know why, maybe because he said it so seriously but I burst out laughing so hard everyone and I mean EVERYONE in the studio stopped what they were doing and looked over at me. You could hear a pin drop.

“Sorry, he said something funny.” I pointed at Nick who had a really comical look on his face, his head tilted slightly as if he was a puppy trying to understand what just happened.

After quite a few headshakes, everyone returned to what they were doing.

“I think you should just go ahead and have a piece, Nick. One won’t kill you and you can always jog it off tomorrow.”

He placed his head really close to it and took a big whiff; this kid was cracking me up. “It does smell delicious.”

Oh how tempted I was to just push his face into the cake, he was really daring me too. I know he was. Of course I was too late because Brian beat me to the punch. He didn’t do it all the way though, just enough to get Nick’s nose all black with frosting. 

Nick let out a weird “Blagh…” That’s what it sounded like. The sound someone would make if they were either drowning in a vat of cake or had just swallowed a two year old. This of course caused further laughing fits from me and now Brian as well.

“Guys, work?” Kevin said in his I’m trying to be stern Kevin but failing miserably at it, voice. The reality being that he was laughing right along with us. I love new, less anal Kevin.

“You look like Rudolph trying to hide his shiny nose!” Brian joked as he handed a napkin to Carter who tried to be mad but instead opted to try licking the frosting off of his nose, causing more laughter. We Backstreet Boys are very easily amused.

“Nicky, I need you back in the booth baby cakes.”

Baby cakes? That’s a new one. Ever since we got here, we all have decided that it’s time to give Nick a new nickname. He was unaware of our mission, but that’s okay. What he didn’t know didn’t hurt him.

“What the?”

Howie smiled, “You know, you are the baby of the group as you so often like to remind us and now you have cake…baby cakes!”

He shook his head, then sighed and put the knife and plate down looking defeated, “Guess the cake will have to wait. Save a small piece for me, please?”

“Will do, baby cakes.”

He rolled his eyes at me and walked away.

I plopped right back down on my purple couch and gladly placed another forkful of cake into my mouth. Smiling as the sounds of Carter singing wafted through the air. Or should I say Baby cakes? Yes, life was good!


	10. Chapter 10

**Daddy’s Ear**

**Group**

When we finished with week one, it seemed like we were going to plow through everything. The songwriting process, the recording process and decision making went off without a hitch. We should have figured it couldn’t possibly last the entire time we were here. 

This week has been rough. The songs weren’t coming out quite the way we wanted some of them too. Hours were lost rewriting and reworking things we at first thought sounded perfect and the worst part of it all, we were starting to second guess ourselves. Once we started doing that, I knew we were in trouble.

Of course we all didn’t agree on everything that was happening and petty little arguments started to make their faces shown. The main difference is, none of us actually yelled or threw a fit. No one walked out of the studio or the business meeting and most importantly, we all made sure our line of communication stayed open. We talked through our problems and for the most part were able to work them out. That was the hardest part for me. I was used to just sitting back and rolling my eyes. Throwing sarcastic comments at the guys under my breath until finally I would be so mad I’d eventually crack and have a meltdown.

Seems like that me was gone. Instead I just kind of sat back and let my mind do the screaming as I put on my headphones and listened to music to calm down. I noticed that Howie kind of did the same thing, but instead of listening to music, he’d go over to the keyboard and start fiddling around on the keys playing one of three songs he must have learned when he was five. Kevin would just take his camera and start taking pictures of things and AJ and Brian instantly texted their wives. We all found outlets to channel that anger, which was a great thing.

Being homesick didn’t help much either. We all were really starting to miss home. I knew that was going to happen as well. I personally didn’t think it would hit me as fast as it did, but by the middle of the week, it’s all I could think about.

I missed my bed, I missed my animals but I especially missed Lauren. It felt good to miss someone again. It’s something I always used to be jealous of when the guys would talk about wanting to get back to their families. I never got it. In fact I would be jealous because in my mind I was their family and I would actually get offended that they wanted to leave me to be with someone else! As much as I’d love to say that was way back when I was a kid, I’d be lying. I had those feelings all the way up until the Never Gone tour.

Pathetic, I know!

I just never had much in the way of a family to go home to. All I really had were a bunch of toxic friends that I enjoyed hanging out with and sometimes still do. Lauren changed all that for me. Now I felt like I did have someone waiting for me and I hated that she wasn’t with me at the moment. 

This was also the first time that I was dating someone all the guys really seemed to approve of. It felt good knowing that the guys thought for once I was making a great decision when it came to my relationship. Kevin was the only one pressing me to take the next step though, which to me was the biggest compliment and most annoying thing all rolled into one.

I took out my phone and looked at a picture of Lauren and me taken at the beach just before I left. I think I actually even let out a sigh when Mr. Speak of the devil came and sat down beside me.

“When are you going to put a ring on her finger?”

Whenever he used to nag me about things when I was younger, I would say “You have at least nine years on me. Give me that long before you start bugging me!”

Since he and Kris just celebrated their twelve year anniversary, I was out of luck. 

So, I did what I do best and just avoided the question. “Are you homesick too?”

He nodded, “Really homesick.”

~*~*~*~*~*~

And I was, really, really homesick. This was much harder than I ever thought it was going to be. It made me start thinking about what it would be like once we started promoting this album and then eventually went out on the road touring. We were lucky because Mason wasn’t quite old enough to be in Kindergarten so taking him along wouldn’t be so bad, but I also knew with Kris’s busy schedule, they weren’t going to be with me as much as I‘d like. It’s something we talked about extensively before I signed my life away on the dotted line. We had to be sure we were willing to make the kind of sacrifice’s being a Backstreet Boy was all about. I told her it didn’t matter how much I wanted to do it, if she had any hesitation about it at all, it was fine with me. One thing about my wife though, is her undying support of not only me, but all of us. It’s one of the reasons why after all our on and off years, I always found myself going back to her.

It was nice seeing that maybe Nick finally had some of that same happiness in his life. I took the camera from his hands and stared down at the picture of him and Lauren. I wanted nothing more than for him to be happy. He deserved it after all the hell he’s been through.

“That’s a great picture of the two of you.” I handed him his phone back. 

“Thanks.”

He seemed a little low today. I knew he had a lot on his mind lately, including thoughts about his sister but it didn’t hurt to make sure he was doing okay. Even though he’s come such a long way, there’s always room to take two steps back and I wasn’t going to allow that, not as long as I was around. I just needed to find a less intrusive way to do it, I guess.

“Everything good, little man?”

He laughed, “When are you going to stop calling me that?”

I shrugged at him, “Do you want me to stop calling you that?”

He seemed surprised by the question. He placed his hand on his chin as if to really think this monumental decision over. No matter what he said, it wasn’t going to make a difference. I would still call him that just like Howie would always call him Nicky.

“Nah, it’s okay.”

I knew he liked it.

“So?”

“So, what?”

“You seem kind of down today. Did something happen?”

He shook his head, “Nah, I’m just a little tired and a lot missing home. That’s about it really.”

Looking in his eyes, I could see he was telling me the truth, so I smiled at him, “Okay, well if you need me…”

I stood up and made my way over to the kitchen. It was time for some coffee.

“Kev!”

I turned to Nick as he smiled at me, “Thanks.”

I nodded and winked at him, “Anytime.”

Walking over to the coffee maker I saw my cousin sitting at the table texting away.

“Hey.” I grabbed a mug and decided to sit across from him.

~*~*~*~*~*~

“Hey,” I answered placing the phone on the table and letting out a sigh. I was feeling a little humdrum today.

“Homesick?”

“Yeah.”

“Me too.”

“The time difference doesn’t much help either. When I feel like talking, they are still asleep!” I was bummed that my last text went unanswered but I also understood. It was around 7 or so in the morning in Atlanta. If Leighanne was awake, which she probably was, she most likely was giving Bay breakfast or taking a shower. Just thinking about my wife in the shower made my heart race.

“I know the feeling.”

I nodded at Kevin as he blew on the already kind of cold coffee. This transition had to be particularly hard on him. It’s been a while since he’s had to deal with this kind of thing.

“So, about the songs…”

He let out a sigh when I said that. We have been working with Craig David the last few days and it has been going great, except we all weren’t in agreement about some of the songs we actually decided on recording. Kevin and I in particular weren’t seeing eye to eye which was kind of backwards. Arguments about song choices in the past, tended to be me and him versus AJ and Nick with Howie being our swing vote. This was the first time it almost seemed like anything I agreed with, he disagreed. None of us wanted to waste Craig’s time with indecision and petty arguments so we decided we’d wait until the end of the week to make any choices and then we’d let him know.

“We can’t wait forever.” I said probably a little snippier than I wanted to.

“I know, Brian, just not now!”

“Fine.”

I got up and decided it was best to leave the room before I took the conversation further. This was the Kevin that Leighanne and I role played before I left on this trip. Yes, we actually role played. He could be very intimidating when he wanted to be and I was not going to back down. Not this time.

He didn’t say anything to me when I left the room and believe me, I didn’t cry about it. When I entered the studio area again, AJ was sitting on the purple couch while Nick was banging away on the drums.

“Hey.”

“Hey there Rok.”

“You know, you keep sitting on that thing and it’ll have your ass grove indented on there.”

“Maybe that’s what I’m going for, wanna join me? There’s plenty of room?”

I thought about it for a second and decided, why the hell not. I plopped down beside him. He was right, this thing was comfortable. No wonder he always tried to claim it when Nick wasn’t already hogging it for himself.

~*~*~*~*~

I shifted over a little bit for Brian, instantly regretting my decision to share my couch with him, but in all honestly, I didn’t think he’d actually take me up on the offer. 

“What’s up?”

“Nothing much, I’m homesick today, what about you?”

“Same.” I sighed and placed my arm in back of my head letting the plush tickle it.

I couldn’t wait to get back home to my Monkee. She showed me a picture of her belly last night. She was really bursting. Rochelle told me she had a doctor’s appointment scheduled for the Monday after I got back. She said she wanted to wait for me and I’m glad, because I didn’t want to miss a thing. How often do you have your very first child? Once, that’s how often. I wanted to be able to say I was there for everything concerning Ava. Hell if I could reach in and pull her out of my wife’s Petunia, I would. Yes, that’s what I call it. Anyway, we should find out a more approximate due date at that time. I think a Thanksgiving birth would be nice because what could we possibly be more thankful for than our mini monkee?

“I tried to talk to Kevin about the songs…”

I closed my eyes for a second, not in the mood to deal with family drama. I woke up with a pretty obnoxious headache and wasn’t really in the best of moods. I don’t think any of us were. Luckily the sound of Nick’s drumming tuned out Brian as he complained about his cousin.

I have always enjoyed listening to Nick play the drums. I know it sounds weird but drumming in general, tended to calm me. I should live in an African village somewhere, where they all click and bounce…click and bounce.

“What the heck?” I asked opening my eyes when I heard a mangling of Do Re Mi being played.

Brian laughed, “Sounds like Howie is homesick too.”

I got up and made my way over to the keyboard just as he started up again.

~*~*~*~*~*~

The Sound of Music is James’s favorite movie. We watch it about ten times a day, no joke. Most kids love the cartoons, or some of those Pixar movies, not my son. Nope, James loves Maria twirling around and around on her mountain, bursting into random songs with singing and dancing nuns. I blame my mother for this. She gave him the movie on his first birthday. Who gives a child The Sound of Music on their first birthday?

I guess it’s payback for all the times I made my family sit through Benji.

“Hey.”

I looked over at AJ who was standing in the doorway. “Hey”

“What are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing?”

“It sounds like you’re trying to play that Do Re Mi song and failing miserably.”

“If you knew what it was, it means I wasn’t failing that miserably.”

“Good point. James isn’t even here.”

They all know about this movie…see?

“I was thinking about him.”

“Homesick?”

“Yeah.”

“Me too.”

When I talked to them on the phone last night, James sang the song to me like he always does when the movie is playing. I could hear it in the background as we talked. Instead of “doe a deer,” he sings” Daddy’s ear,” too cute. I admit I kind of cried a little when he did that.

Sitting at the keyboard made me feel a little better and closer to my son while I tried to figure out the right key. I know I was too high but this would have to do!

I tried to play along to Nick’s drum beat and did a god job at keeping up for a little bit but I always lost my place when we hit the “sew a needle pulling thread” part. My damn fingers wouldn’t go as fast as my brain. That’s okay, just doing it made me a little happier.

I started to sing along this time and was surprised to hear AJ sing along with me! Everyone is a closet Sound of Music fan! Soon, Brian came in to see what was going on and of course Kevin wasn’t too far behind, with his camera.

~*~*~*~*~*~

The gloomy feeling that had been in the air just an hour ago had left once everyone started jamming along to Howie and me. It’s funny what music can do. Even something as corny as the song we were massacring at the moment was able to revitalize us.

I knew at that point we’d make it through the day and the rest of our time here.

Too bad Lauren wasn’t here to see this though; she would have really enjoyed it!

*sigh*


	11. Chapter 11

Ghosts in the Attic

Nick

The second week we were in the studio sucked and it sucked hard! I spent so much time shaking my head that I thought it might fall off of my shoulders. I did try to control my eye rolls though. It was tough, but I managed. We fought a lot this past week and even though it wasn’t great, it was familiar. That’s the part I enjoyed about it, the familiarity of the five of us not always agreeing on everything just like the old days. It was different in a lot of ways, but still, when the drama was happening and the half spoken, mostly muttered insults made their way to each of our ears, we still were able to walk away content at the end of the day.

It’s like that light bulb went off in our heads and for the first time ever we were able to leave our work _at_ work. It sounds like such a simple thing to do, but it’s not. Ask anyone with a job that entails more than “You want fries with that?” and they’ll tell you, they take their shit home with them. Imagine working ten to twelve hour days with the same people, fighting with them _at_ work and then going home to live with them _after_ work!

I know for me, I never saw this as a job. It was my life, just like I never saw these guys as anything more than my brothers. They were never co-workers, ever! But the reality of our situation is this. We are family, we do love each other, but this _is_ a job and they _are_ my co-workers. So, while we are in the studio that’s how I try to look at it. As four other people I have to iron out details with and agree to disagree with. Once we leave, I can give in to the other part of it. These guys were my best friends and my big brothers who I loved more than well… a lot of people.

That’s why despite what happened in the studio from one day to the next, we were all able to come home and have some fun. Tonight fun came in the form of a showing of Batman. We all wanted to see it and decided that it would be our reward at the end of the long week. It didn’t disappoint at all. In fact, it was awesome! One of the best movies I have seen in a long time. I felt like a kid again sitting there in the theater with all four of my big brothers. I was trying to think back to the last time all five of us went to a movie together. I mean we have gone to a ton of them, but in my recollection, never all five, at least within the last 15 years or so. You know, I’ve mentioned before how much our roles have changed, but tonight was the exception to this rule as we all kind of fell back into the roles we were always meant to play.

Kevin sat at the end of the row and Howie next to him. AJ sat beside Howie and then came Brian and I. The two of us decided to share a huge thing of popcorn and M&M’s sprinkling them into the tub and taking huge handfuls into our mouths not worrying about calories or anything else. When AJ would reach over for some we promptly slapped his hand away telling him to get his own, which after the first half hour he did. By then ours was gone and we found ourselves dipping into his.

When we got too loud, Kevin would slip us his trademark look which would result in a friendly chuck of popcorn his way, when he would look over I’d make sure to point to Howie and he would shake his head and then turn his attention back to the movie.

Good times!

That’s why when we got home; I wasn’t ready to let the night end. I felt rejuvenated and happy and nowhere near ready for bed. I knew once we all got a chance to go our own separate ways, wives would be called, and the moment would be lost. So as soon as Howie unlocked the front door I had an idea.

“Guys, let’s explore the attic!”

Kevin put on the light and we all hung up our jackets, “What?”

“The attic! None of us have been up there yet.”

“There’s no reason to go up to the attic, that’s probably why.” Howie said as he sat on one of our uncomfortable couches. That’s the thing with this place; it was lovely and big but not really all that comfortable.

“I was talking to Jason,” One of the guys that works at the studio and also the guy we rented this place from, “And he told me that the original owner of this house killed his daughter in the attic.” Okay that was totally untrue but whatever; I wanted them to buy into it and that idea just came out of nowhere.

“How would he know that?” AJ wasn't buying this story at all.

“It was his great uncle!” I glanced over at Brian in quiet disbelief as he took over.

Of course, coming from Brian, AJ suddenly seemed interested and more willing to believe…such a naïve boy…

“Yeah, he said that the guy came home drunk one night and killed his little girl and then felt so bad, he hung himself in the attic!” Wow, Brian is pretty good at this. He should write that fan fiction crap I always hear about.

“How come this is the first time you've mentioned this?” A very skeptical Kevin asked.

“He just told me today.” I jumped in. “I'm not sure when he told Brian.”

When everyone looked over at B, he had this priceless look on his face. It was the same devilish look he used to have when concocting the schemes that used to get ME into trouble so often when I was a kid. “Oh, he told me at the beginning of the week but I didn't know if I believed it or not. You know how I feel about that stuff.” He shrugged his shoulders as if he could care less, God he’s a master at this.

“How come you didn't tell me?” I acted like I was hurt he would keep such dirt from me.

“Because I knew you'd believe it and want to explore.”

“Well why wouldn't we want to explore? It might be haunted!”

“There have been stories about hauntings…” What the fuck? Now Howie was getting in on this.

“There have?” I asked interested about what was going to be coming out of his mouth next.

Howie nodded, “Well yeah…I mean I didn't want to say anything before but the reason this place was so cheap and was empty for so long is mainly because no one wanted to stay here after what happened.”

“What happened?” AJ asked sitting on the edge of his chair, literally. I thought he was going to fall right off of that thing.

“Supposedly late at night when people were sleeping, they would hear creaking coming from the attic and also hear the cries of a little girl.”

“Holy shit!” Both Brian and I said at the same exact time.

“Yeah, and this one time I guess there was a couple staying here in the dangling penis room…” We all looked over at Brian and smiled. That’s what he gets for taking the biggest room, “And I guess they saw a figure of a little girl standing over their bed. They left before the sun came up.”

“And why didn't you tell us this before?” I asked him, trying my best not to smile.

“Because I was afraid you would all say no and this place seemed perfect. I mean we did make Q come and spend the night before us.”

“You sent Q as a sacrificial lamb?” Kevin sounded amused by this.

“Yeah and he said nothing weird happened so we were good to go!”

“Nice…” I nodded, proud of Howie for being so creative.

“I have a confession to make.”

We all looked over at Kevin, “The only reason Q didn't say anything is because I told him not to.”

What the fuck? Now Kevin too! This is awesome!

“Why? What did he say to you, Kev?” I asked now more amused than anything else.

He let out a sigh and made that serious face we have all come to love so much and by love I mean mock. “He said that in the middle of the night he heard a weird creaking noise coming from the attic…” He once again stopped and let out a dejected sigh, as if he wished he wasn't confessing such a dark secret. This guy…

“So, he went up there, afraid that maybe a fan or two had gotten in.”

“Like mice or rats.” Brian said and we all burst out laughing because that’s what Kevin made it sound like, the fans had crawled in and were now living in our walls or something. “Maybe we should invest in adult sized mouse traps or those glue traps.”

Uh…

It’s clear that if Brian did write that fan fic crap, it would be a gory, suspense one. Ah well, better than Kevin humping me, I guess.

“Can I finish?” Kevin asked his cousin after the weird and disturbing thought of our fans all stuck in glue and mangled in the attic wore off.

“Sorry…”

He nodded and kept going, “When he reached the attic he said there was a rocking chair and it was going back and forth. That was probably what the creaking was all about. He checked the window to see if there was a breeze but it was locked. It was rocking on its own.”

At this point, I glanced over at AJ, the only one not in on this little joke. He was pale as a ghost. This was epically awesome! His eyes were wide and he was biting on his bottom lip. I swear to God he was going to cry! When we got him up to the attic he was going to shit his pants and I would make sure to make a nice bomb video of it for all his fans!

“What happened next?” I asked trying to sound scared. And people say I can't act, I say pfft! To them!

Kevin glanced over my way all serious and sullen. I swear I could hear the dun dun dunnnnnnnn... coming from an imaginary organ in my head. I'm sure a gopher in a tuxedo plays that organ, but that’s beside the point.

“He was just about to come back downstairs when he heard a little girl crying….”

Again I looked over at AJ who just looked scared shitless!

“He said he could swear he saw a little girl, holding a teddy bear right next to the rocking chair, but when he took a step towards her, she disappeared.”

I tell you what… even though I knew this shit was not real I had goose bumps on my arms. I was having me a good old fashioned ghostgasm! Brilliant!

“Holy crap!” Brian whispered and even made the sign of the cross.

I almost lost it right then and there. I mean I had to bite on my bottom lip and think about dead puppies otherwise it would have been all over. We had to get AJ up to that attic! If only there was a way we could conjure up a dead girl. My brain was going a mile a minute. All these different thoughts in my head as to how we were going to pull this now elaborate joke off and get AJ to not only go up to the attic but scare the crap out of him as well. I mean not that it’s overly difficult to scare AJ. Opening those Pillsbury Dough canisters scare him… but even still… This is going to be epic…I mean colossally epic….epic to the umpteenth degree of epicness…epic…

“I can’t believe this is real…I thought I was just seeing things…”

Epic beyond…what the fuck did AJ just say?

“What are you talking about?”

AJ looked over at me with his eyes big and wide, “I didn't say anything because well you all know me and I didn't want to be made fun of…”

“What happened?” This time it was Brian who looked kind of surprised.

“I saw her too.”

“You what?” I swear to God we all said that at the same time.

“I saw her too…last night. I thought I was maybe just dreaming or seeing things but what you just described…”

Kevin stood up and walked over to AJ, “A little girl holding a teddy bear?”

AJ nodded.

“Was she wearing…?”

“Pink pajamas…” AJ finished Kevin’s question.

“Wow, well I'll be damned.” Howie whispered.

I looked around the room again and saw concerned looks and that’s when it dawned on me that maybe I was the only one joking. But Brian was so quick to jump in I just kind of assumed he was working with me. Thinking about it further, I realized that he was right about this house. It did kind belong to Jason’s family, so it’s very possible that Jason did tell him a story about the place being haunted. And I could totally see all of them keeping that info away from me. Jesus, we were in a fucking real haunted house!

A new layer of goose bumps replaced the old ones. Let’s call it a double ghostgasm!

“You okay Nick?” I looked up to see them all staring at me.

“Uh…yeah, I'm fine…never better.” I lied again. If you must know I was freaking out.

“You still want to go explore the attic?” Brian asked with his head tilted, “Even though I'm not sure it’s the smartest thing to do.”

“Guys, this place might actually be haunted for real! Of course we need to go up there and check it out!!” Howie said which kind of took me by surprise. _Now_ Howie is brave?

We all looked over at Kevin, “haunted house, London…little girl…I'm in.” Okay, wasn't expecting that one.

“I say we do it, if nothing else to try to help her soul rest in peace.” Good lord, Brian, can you be anymore Ghost Whisperer than that?

“I don't know guys….I already saw her, I'm not anxious for a repeat performance.” AJ said shakily and I admit I was relieved. This way I could claim look it’s either an all or nothing deal. It’s too risky to leave AJ down here all alone so I think it’s best if we leave this girl in peace up in the creepy attic all alone with her creepy ghost bear… “But, I'm in too.” What the fuck? Even AJ is all Ghost Hunter International now?

That left me, the one who originally crapped this idea out of my ass. I wish I could plunge it right back up there. I so did not want to do this. I knew if I'd see this kid I'd cry like a baby, but my pride was at stake so I sucked it up and shrugged like I had made these kinds of decisions all the time.

“Let’s do it.” I finally said, with a huge ass smile on my face. “Why not?”

They all nodded and then said the words I knew were coming, “You first!” All at the same time.

Bastards!

I took a deep breath and headed up the stairs. Of course I was so focused on finding this ghost that I didn't pay much attention to the high fives and smirks going on behind me. Finally by the time I reached the top of the stairs, I realized I was all alone so I turned to see them all standing at the bottom of the stairs smiling up at me.

What the fuck just happened?

“Dude, Nick…you are so gullible!” Howie teased as they all laughed and high fived each other.

“Wait….what?” The look of confusion on my face further amused them as they continued to laugh at my expense.

“Nick, dude…come on! That was too easy!” AJ said that…AJ! 

“But…”

“But…but….” Kevin said mockingly, more laughter at my expense.

“Come down here Frack, we were just playing with you. Let’s have some ice cream!”

Did Brian just call me Frack?

I couldn't believe they pulled one over on me! I wanted to be mad, but instead I just burst out laughing.

Familiarity…

I love how if you look closely you see the word family in there.

These guys…

I walked down the stairs as the smallest hint of a creaking noise came from above my head.


	12. Chapter 12

**Sam I Am**

**Kevin**

I can’t believe our time is almost over here in London. Last week I couldn’t wait to be done but now that it almost is, I’m kind of sad. It’s been fun spending so much time with these guys. I didn’t realize how much I missed them, but truth is I am so happy I made the decision to come back.

As if reading my mind, Nick came and plopped down beside me on the couch. I shook my head at the kid….okay not kid anymore. That’s something I have to get used to. I overheard him the other night on the phone to his girlfriend and the conversation he was having was so adult and unlike Nick, I hadn’t even realized how blatantly obvious I was being while eavesdropping on him until he stopped and smiled at me, “You mind?” He asked in a playful way which had broken me out of my trance and made me feel completely stupid. I had apologized and walked away but part of me still wanted to listen in. I loved witnessing this new grown up Nick, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to missing that goofy kid version from time to time.

The fact that there was a ton of places to sit in the living room and he still came and sat right next to me, I mean RIGHT next to me; let me know that goofy Nick was making an appearance.

“Morning Sam!”

“Sam?” I asked not quite sure what the hell was going on.

He nodded and sipped his green, slimey drink. I have learned not to ask anymore. “You know like the eagle from the Muppets. You remind me of him.”

“Of course I do.”

“Yup you are definitely, Sam.”

I laughed, not really sure what to say. “Okay then…”

“I mean Brian _should_ be Sam because he’s going bald…” he continued to babble.

“I HEARD that!!” a detached voice from the dining room yelled out.

Nick giggled, “Sorry!” 

“No you’re not!”

“This is true!”

Once again I sat there shaking my head trying not to seem as amused as I was. We had been picking on poor Nickolas all week long. He seemed more vulnerable now that he had aged a bit. Back when he was younger, there was always this underlying fear of him flying off the handle when we would gang up on him, followed by brutal retaliations. But this new mellow and older version wasn’t quite so quick to hold a grudge or pull a prank.

We decided our youngest member needed a new nickname and had been trying out different ones all week long. Some stuck for a day or so but then quickly got old. We then decided on the obvious one that he hated more than anything else on the planet so during a session in the middle of the week, Howie yelled, “Hey Nicholas with an H!” to get the blonde’s attention, and it stuck like glue!

“So why are you Samming me then?”

“It’s the brows, Kev!”

“Of course it is.”

“And besides…Why should I be the only one to have a nickname? I mean look at the Spice Girls! We all need some new monikers.”

“Moniker?”

He nodded, very proud of himself. “Impressive huh?”

“Yeah, a bit…so who’s going to be moniker and who’s going to be Phoebe?”

He shook his head “Oh BOO! That was horrible, Kevin!”

“I thought it was pretty funny.”

“You know who else would have thought that was funny?”

“Let me guess…hrmmm….Sam?” I asked with one brow raised.

He pointed to his nose and dinged a few times.

“If we did the whole Spice Girls thing, we’d need to come up with a one word description followed by Backstreet or Boy.”

“I didn’t realize there was a rule book on this stuff, Sam.” He put his glass of slime on the coffee table and let out a huge burp.

“There’s rules for everything young Nicholas with an H!”

He rolled his eyes at me.

“I think you should start spelling your name like that. You know to represent the more grown up you.”

“Like how that John Mellen Cougar Camp guy changed his.”

I let out a laugh, “It’s John Cougar Mellencamp and yes.”

“Or Debbie Gibson turning into Debra…” He of course emphasized the ‘bra’ part of her name.

“I tweeted your name with an H the other day and the fans went ballistic. I’m pretty sure a few of them had a stroke.”

He laughed at that.

“I can’t believe you don’t know how to spell Nick’s name, Kevin!” He said in his high pitched voice he used when imitating our fans. “How can you get that wrong, Oh my God what a travesty!”

“Basically.”

“See? The world isn’t ready for Nick with an H just yet.”

“Speaking of being ready…Are you ready for today, Nicholas with an H?”

He shrugged.

We made the bold decision to allow some fans to listen to a few of the finished songs. Talk about an intense meeting. We kept going back and forth about whether or not that would be a good idea, afraid that the songs would leak out via phone and all over the internet. Sometimes a little innocent leakage was a good thing, but not in this case. We wanted this album to be incredibly special, something that fans would anticipate and be excited about. We saw what ‘leaks’ could do to effect record sales and it wasn’t pretty.

I remember playing a group of fans, “My Beautiful Woman,” In the parking lot at the end of a charity golfing event Brian had hosted. I thought I was being so nice and the fans seemed so excited about it. They were smiling and even singing along. At first I couldn’t believe how quickly they caught on to it until one of them said, “I listened to that song my entire drive here!” Turns out they had already heard most of the songs from the album, much to my dismay.

I was furious, not gonna lie. I hated the fact that most of our album plus many potential ‘B’ sides had made it on the internet. I hated the fans reactions to most of the songs. I hated how they acted like they knew more about our music than we did. At that point in my life though, I hated the fans and music in general.

So of course, I had mixed feelings about the entire thing. On the one hand, I was curious to see what people other than us thought of what we were doing, but on the other hand, I wanted it to be kept under wraps for just awhile longer. There was a fear of these people hating what they heard. What if that happened? Would we actually take their opinions into consideration and scrap all the hard work only to start from scratch?

I was pretty proud of everything we produced the last three weeks. The songs we chose to play for the fans were things we all agreed on one hundred percent. What’s worse, letting them listen and then not caring what their reactions were or not letting them listen at all? That’s the debate that ensued for a good three hours until we finally decided to be brave and just go for it.

Today was the big day.

“I think it’ll go well.” Nick said after a few minutes of thinking it through.

“You think they’ll like what they hear?”

“You know what Sam, I really do.” He smiled at me then. His real genuine and grown up smile and pat my shoulder as he said it. For some reason it eased my mind a bit.

“I’m not feeling the Sam thing.” I said, breaking up our grown up moment.

“It’s your nickname; you really have no say in the ‘feel’ of it.”

“A nickname usually isn’t a real name. Sam is more like a dog’s name.”

He bit the inside of his cheek and moved his eyes to look up at the ceiling as he thought further about what to call me. I’m sure a plethora of very colorful names came to his mind. In the midst of all the thinking, Howie and Brian entered the room looking at Nick staring at the ceiling and instinctively followed his eyes in that direction.

“What are we looking at?” Howie finally asked after staring at nothing for far too long.

“He’s trying to think of a good nickname for me.”

“What happened, shithead didn’t stick?” Enter AJ.

“I only call him that when he’s not in the room, AJ.”

“Nice.” I shook my head.

“I’m pretty great with giving people nicknames; maybe it should be my job.”

“Yeah AJ, you’re awesome at that.”

“Rok stuck to you for a long time, didn’t it?” He asked Brian as he flailed his arms around. I swear if we tied his hands behind his back he wouldn’t be able to speak. “And Jizzle for me…”

“Well Kevin seems to think we all need one descriptive word for each of us like the Spice Girls.”

“Nick can be gassy!”

We all laughed at the quickness of Howie’s diss. He’s getting better and better at it.

“Nah I like Nicholas with an H for him.” Brian said walking over to Nick and sitting on his lap. “Don’t you like that, Mr. Man or should I say Nicholas with an H?”

“Nicholas with an H isn’t Nick. It would be Nitch…like snitch! It makes no freaking sense to spell Nickolas with an H. Whoever thought of that was stupid.”

“Are you calling Santa stupid?” Howie tried to sound gangsta when he said that.

“No, I’m calling Santa’s momma stupid!”

“What a Ho!” They all looked at me like I made no sense. “You know ho… as in ho ho ho…merry Christmas?”

Still nothing but a confused silence. “I know…I know… Sam would have made that joke, right?”

“I don’t even think Sam would have found that one punny. SEE? I made a joke too!”

“Nitch the snitch, I like that!”

“Your brain is still back there?” Brian asked AJ.

“What? I like that. I think we should call him that from now on.”

“We’re looking for a nickname for Kevin, not Nitch.”

“Oh my God, I am SO gonna quit you guys if you keep up with the stupid Nick with an H thing!”

“You’re gonna quit us?” I asked trying to sound really upset.

“Oh no, don’t quit us Nitch. The fans would not be happy!”

“No they wouldn’t Howard. They would angrily tweet all of you! Oh my God how could you make poor Nick quit! He doesn’t deserve that!” Once again in his high fan voice.

“Guys, we should really get a move on.” Fun time was over as we all looked at the clock and saw we had about an hour before we had to be at the studio. I felt bad pointing it out, but someone had to.

“I can’t believe this is it.” Brian exhaled a deep breath. I could tell he was feeling a little uneasy about the listening party as well.

I looked down at the pants I was wearing. For some reason, my wife felt compelled to buy us all matching pajamas for this living experience. Like these three weeks would be nothing but a huge slumber party. After I told her that guys didn’t do that kind of thing, she still made me bring them anyway.

“Sure you don’t.” She had said in a half joking mostly mocking way.

I had forgotten about them until last night when I felt compelled to hand them out after dinner. They all got a pretty big laugh out of it and then Brian came up with the idea to wear them into the studio for our last day of recording. What better way to go out then in a nice comfy pair of pjs?

Plus the fans that were coming into the stupio would get a kick out of it too, and it might help to ease the tension in the room.

So today was going to be a pajama day.

“I guess we should go put our matching jammies on now then, huh?” AJ asked staring down at mine.

“I suppose so.”

Nick stood up and helped me to my feet. “I think we should huddle for a minute.”

He went and stood in the middle of the room and put his hand out as if doing the hokey pokey. We all knew what he wanted us to do but it was more fun just staring at him standing there in that pose waiting.

“Well?” He said after a few seconds.

We finally joined him and put our hands in the center.

“Here’s to an excellent day in the studio. Our last one in London but only the beginning of our new journey…let’s do this!”

We all then said “Backstreet!” And let our arms go up in the air.

It felt good doing that chant again.

“Okay guys let’s all go get dressed up in our matching outfits now!”

“Way to kill the moment Howie.”

“I’m sorry Nitch!”

“I am gonna quit you!”

They all were babbling as they walked out of the room and I only shook my head and followed.

“I guess Sam it is.” I muttered to myself as I shut the light off.


End file.
